Office Fitness: Healthy Tips for Corporate Slaves (Part 2)

Of course, an article on office fitness wouldn’t be much good if it didn’t address how you can stay healthy in the office environment itself. All the stuff I mention in Part 1 seems somewhat obvious in retrospect and dependent entirely on both common sense and dedication to the cause. So let’s get zooming on what you can do to make sure your office is setting your progress behind…

Image Source/Photos.com

Dear corporate diary, I’ve only fantasized about skilling everyone on my floor 14 times today. Progress.

1. Your butt cheeks’ resting space.

Little do you know, but the very concept of sitting upright - regardless of how fantabulous your posture may be - is in fact unhealthy. You see, the human body did not evolve with the intent of being in an upright rigid L-shape (with an S twist) for prolonged periods of time. Being in a seated position wrecks internal havoc in the human body in terms of elevated blood pressure, lower back issues, muscle atrophy and much more. There are two ways to tackle this and they go as follow:

Bling Bling Motherfucker!

If your office cares about - and that’s usually big corporate machines bound by international rules and regulations, then you likely have ergonomic chairs in your office. These chairs cost a hefty sum - upwards of EGP 10,000 sometimes - but are designed in a manner which complements the natural curves of the spine and does not affect you in the same way standard desk chairs do.

Bounce girl bounce!

If your office allows it, you can always personally invest in buying the largest size workout ball you can find, inflating it and using it as your seat. The fact that it’s somewhat unstable and features no back support will mean that your body is forced to activate your core muscles throughout the entire time to keep you upright and more importantly, on the ball. Not for the faint hearted I must warn

Image Source/www.e90post.com

It may appear uncomfortable but once you get the hang of it it’ll still look ridiculous

2. Control your beverage intake.

I understand that’s part of corporate religion to engage in group indulgement and consumption of the psychedelic substance otherwise known as caffeine, but you can do be smarter about it! I understand that you can’t function without coffee but you know what, relying on two to four cups a day to function at the basic level isn’t exactly a good thing; you’re not different from a heroin junkie darling. First off, skip the fucking four teaspoons of sugar on that shit. You want to drink something sugary at work? Bring your own freshly squeezed fruit juice from home. Or I don’t know, maybe add a tablespoon of honey? You’d be surprised how many people shed off a ton of fat based solely on eliminating something as ridiculous as white sugar from their beverage intake. Needless to say, reaching out for a soda when you’re thirsty is a major no no. There are no nutritional benefits in these demonic tin cans; only worsening health. Trust me on that. I always go for water whenever I’m thirsty or when the need calls for a flavor change, some green tea or anise.

3. You’re not a dog, so stop responding to candy the way they do to treats.

I realize some of those companies try and do good by their employees and fill up their little office kitchenette with copious amounts of candy and chips that’s meant to help keep you satiated and focused on even more excel sheets, but them motherfuckers be fucking you like Judas did Jesus. Big time. As part of the aforementioned planning in Part 1 of the Office Fitness, you preparation of snacks and meals ought to cancel out the concept of temptation altogether. If you’ve got two snacks and a main meal, that means you ought to be eating every three hours or so while you’re at work, so your punk ass should be smart enough to stay away from some goddamn candy bars. No one’s holding a gun to your head to eat candy, and you’re only as strong as your will.

That moment when you get a call from HR telling you this year the Eid vacation will bridge two different weekends

4. Get moving out and about!

Say your office is too cheap to splurge on the fancy back-assisting chairs, say they’re not hip enough to let you get a freaking bouncy ball by your desk, they still can’t prevent you from getting up and taking a 5-minute walk around the office every hour or so. The key to preventing the negative effects of prolonged hours of sitting is that you move often enough to get your heart pumping and break the monotone of sitting to thwart off the negative health effects. Depending on how chill your office is with what you do, you can always dish out a few dozen push ups or crunches or even a plank every hour or so to really stay on top of your game. Obviously stretching is a big part of it and it does actively promote increased blood flow and cancel out the effects of prolonged seating so whenever you can, do try and whip out some dynamic stretches by your desk.

You see little boys and girls, sitting at your desk all day doesn’t have to be the end of it. You can stay active, you can keep moving and most of all, you can control the factors that influence the outcome. Working all day doesn’t have to be about taking calories in and burning nothing...

Image Source/Via Oregonstate.edu

...unless you watch porn at the office, in which case you’re burning plenty

Ultimately, the entire premise of staying fit despite leading a constrained and somewhat stressful lifestyle is entirely dependent on your will to do so. If you want it bad enough, you’ll get it no matter what. I hit the sack by 11 PM, I’m up by 4:45 AM, I down my chow, hit the gym, hit the showers, pack my meals and head on to work and slave away but I do so with full conviction that this is what’s best for me. That format may not work for you but the whole point is for you to find one that does and stick to it!

Now go get crackin’ you white collar slave you!