Chocolate Oatmeal Honey Cake: An Almost-Guilt-Free Dessert

99.99% of the time, desserts are usually the downfall of most people going on “diets”. The sugar tooth is simply too powerful to overcome. We are slaves to its whims. Like a poor man in a gimp suit forced to eternally lick the bottom of his BDSM mistress’s boots. T’is truly a shame.

But it doesn’t have to be. Over the course of the coming weeks I’ll be sharing a few “healthy” dessert recipes that ought to more than do a job of fondling your slutty sugar tooth without adding too many inches to your bulging waistline. Bare in mind that just because these are healthy alternatives to your average off-the-counter black forest slices, it doesn’t mean you ought to down the whole tray right after baking - also that’ll sting your tongue like a motherfucker cause things coming out of ovens are hot.

Let’s get down to our sticky business.

Ingredients:

• 1 large egg
• 2 cups oatmeal flakes
• ½ of a cooking chocolate bar (dark raw cocoa)
• Honey (at your discretion)
• 1 tbsp Cinnamon
• 1 tsp Coconut/Olive oil
• ½ liter Low fat/Skimmed milk

Process:

1. Pour the two cups of oatmeal flakes in a heat-proof container and empty a good half liter of boiling water on them, the oats will quickly suck all the water out and become fuller and more plump. Leave to cool down for 5 minutes then put in the fridge.
2. Grab your egg and break it into a small bowl. Whip it around like you’re Jayden Smith and you mean business. Seriously, that’s like the most crucial aspect of the whole process. Whip it continuously using a fork or an egg whip till that motherfucker has tripled in volume.
3. Add your tsp of oil, cinnamon and honey to the egg and mix well. The honey bit is up to your discretion, normally half a small jar would suffice but you could add less or more depending on how sweet you want the cake to turn out. Just don’t be too stingy with the honey otherwise the cake won’t turn out very soft and will most likely burn.
4. In a small pot, melt the chocolate bar in the low fat milk on low/medium heat till it’s perfectly mixed.
5. Add the egg/cinnamon/honey mixture to the chocolate. Mix well.
6. Bring out the oats from the fridge and dump on the mixture and mix well.
7. Dump it all in a pyrex or baking pan and make sure it’s evenly spread out all throughout the pan.
8. Place in an oven (which you had already pre-heated to 185 degrees Celsius) and put the timer on 30 minutes.

Depending on the thickness of your mixture and the type of pan you’ve used, it can actually take up to 40 - 45 minutes. Use the knife stab test at the 20-minute mark and if it comes out gooey and wet keep at it and monitor closely.

Usually I recommend that you only activate the heat in the oven from the bottom side only and activate the upper side along the bottom only in the last 10 minutes so the top of your cake doesn’t burn.

Once the knife confirms that it is indeed done, take it out and allow it to cool for half an hour. You can start slicing it into brownies sized squares or just digging a spoon right in. It does however taste 100 times better when it is refrigerated and consumed a few hours after being inside the fridge.

You can serve with bananas, strawberries or peanut butter on top for some added flavor. More experienced bakers and fitness enthusiasts can even add a couple of scoops of chocolate flavored whey protein in the mix before baking for an added nutrition twist and a hell of a lot more protein.

And remember, just because it's made using cleaner ingredients doesn't necessarily mean you can over-indulge. Everything in moderation.

Let me know it turns out!