Office Fitness: Healthy Tips for Corporate Slaves (Part 2)

Of course, an article on office fitness wouldn’t be much good if it didn’t address how you can stay healthy in the office environment itself. All the stuff I mention in Part 1 seems somewhat obvious in retrospect and dependent entirely on both common sense and dedication to the cause. So let’s get zooming on what you can do to make sure your office is setting your progress behind…

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Dear corporate diary, I’ve only fantasized about skilling everyone on my floor 14 times today. Progress.

1. Your butt cheeks’ resting space.

Little do you know, but the very concept of sitting upright - regardless of how fantabulous your posture may be - is in fact unhealthy. You see, the human body did not evolve with the intent of being in an upright rigid L-shape (with an S twist) for prolonged periods of time. Being in a seated position wrecks internal havoc in the human body in terms of elevated blood pressure, lower back issues, muscle atrophy and much more. There are two ways to tackle this and they go as follow:

Bling Bling Motherfucker!

If your office cares about - and that’s usually big corporate machines bound by international rules and regulations, then you likely have ergonomic chairs in your office. These chairs cost a hefty sum - upwards of EGP 10,000 sometimes - but are designed in a manner which complements the natural curves of the spine and does not affect you in the same way standard desk chairs do.

Bounce girl bounce!

If your office allows it, you can always personally invest in buying the largest size workout ball you can find, inflating it and using it as your seat. The fact that it’s somewhat unstable and features no back support will mean that your body is forced to activate your core muscles throughout the entire time to keep you upright and more importantly, on the ball. Not for the faint hearted I must warn

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It may appear uncomfortable but once you get the hang of it it’ll still look ridiculous

2. Control your beverage intake.

I understand that’s part of corporate religion to engage in group indulgement and consumption of the psychedelic substance otherwise known as caffeine, but you can do be smarter about it! I understand that you can’t function without coffee but you know what, relying on two to four cups a day to function at the basic level isn’t exactly a good thing; you’re not different from a heroin junkie darling. First off, skip the fucking four teaspoons of sugar on that shit. You want to drink something sugary at work? Bring your own freshly squeezed fruit juice from home. Or I don’t know, maybe add a tablespoon of honey? You’d be surprised how many people shed off a ton of fat based solely on eliminating something as ridiculous as white sugar from their beverage intake. Needless to say, reaching out for a soda when you’re thirsty is a major no no. There are no nutritional benefits in these demonic tin cans; only worsening health. Trust me on that. I always go for water whenever I’m thirsty or when the need calls for a flavor change, some green tea or anise.

3. You’re not a dog, so stop responding to candy the way they do to treats.

I realize some of those companies try and do good by their employees and fill up their little office kitchenette with copious amounts of candy and chips that’s meant to help keep you satiated and focused on even more excel sheets, but them motherfuckers be fucking you like Judas did Jesus. Big time. As part of the aforementioned planning in Part 1 of the Office Fitness, you preparation of snacks and meals ought to cancel out the concept of temptation altogether. If you’ve got two snacks and a main meal, that means you ought to be eating every three hours or so while you’re at work, so your punk ass should be smart enough to stay away from some goddamn candy bars. No one’s holding a gun to your head to eat candy, and you’re only as strong as your will.

That moment when you get a call from HR telling you this year the Eid vacation will bridge two different weekends

4. Get moving out and about!

Say your office is too cheap to splurge on the fancy back-assisting chairs, say they’re not hip enough to let you get a freaking bouncy ball by your desk, they still can’t prevent you from getting up and taking a 5-minute walk around the office every hour or so. The key to preventing the negative effects of prolonged hours of sitting is that you move often enough to get your heart pumping and break the monotone of sitting to thwart off the negative health effects. Depending on how chill your office is with what you do, you can always dish out a few dozen push ups or crunches or even a plank every hour or so to really stay on top of your game. Obviously stretching is a big part of it and it does actively promote increased blood flow and cancel out the effects of prolonged seating so whenever you can, do try and whip out some dynamic stretches by your desk.

You see little boys and girls, sitting at your desk all day doesn’t have to be the end of it. You can stay active, you can keep moving and most of all, you can control the factors that influence the outcome. Working all day doesn’t have to be about taking calories in and burning nothing...

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...unless you watch porn at the office, in which case you’re burning plenty

Ultimately, the entire premise of staying fit despite leading a constrained and somewhat stressful lifestyle is entirely dependent on your will to do so. If you want it bad enough, you’ll get it no matter what. I hit the sack by 11 PM, I’m up by 4:45 AM, I down my chow, hit the gym, hit the showers, pack my meals and head on to work and slave away but I do so with full conviction that this is what’s best for me. That format may not work for you but the whole point is for you to find one that does and stick to it!

Now go get crackin’ you white collar slave you!

Office Fitness: Healthy Tips for Corporate Slaves (Part 1)

Do you toil in a desk job for a living? Do you punch in your timestamp at 9 AM on the dot and not a moment sooner lest your boss dock off a couple of days from your pay? Are you expected to perform at optimal levels day in, day out from 9 to 5 (and sometimes even later) every day of the year? Are you and the office chair spending so much time together your ass has effectively been molded to fill the entire space?

If you answered yes to any or all of the above, then this post, dear fellow corporate slave, is most definitely for you.

Fitness and leading a healthy lifestyle in general is always a bit of a hurdle to those of us who lead the corporate life. Many of us end up with a “choose this or the other” type of option and often follow the money trail at the expense of their fitness, believing they’ll make enough money in a couple of years to quit while they’re ahead and get right back on track. Only suddenly you’re 36 and your shirts’ buttons aren’t as cooperative as they used to be back in the day and your belt holes are only getting wider and you’re still working the same job.

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It’s not a matter of selecting being fit and poor or being unfit and bringing home the greens, thinking like that only highlights the fact that you’re not really 100% committed to the concept of being fit. If you think of it as a choice or an option then that means you’re probably not that into it in the first place. Fitness or leading a healthy lifestyle isn’t a phase or passing trend, it’s a lifelong commitment and it requires dedication.

Your two main assault weapons as a corporate whore who wants to make sure they stay on top of their fitness game will be Planning and Discipline. There’s no shortcut when it comes to it. It’s all in or none at all. The trickiest part for those of us at corporate usually stems from nutrition and how hard it is to stay faithful to the course with temptation, office kitchen snacks, co workers’ birthdays and many other factors influencing us.

The biggest challenge for those who wish to stay fit and still maintain their corporate benefits usually stems from believing they don’t have the time or energy to plan things out or make arrangements and it honestly revolves around how lazy you are. If you want it bad enough, you’ll make it happen. No, you don’t have to order McDonald’s or Pizza Hut with the rest of the office gang just because it’s more convenient. No, you don’t have to starve yourself at the office all day subsiding on oxygen and prayer till you make it home so you’re not tempted to gorge on junk food at your desk then cry it out by the paper shredder later that afternoon. What your tie or skirt wearing ass needs to do is shake your brand name wallet and invest in some microwave air/liquid tight tupperware containers.

Yes sirs and madams, that does indeed mean planning ahead and preparing your day’s meals or even your week’s ahead of time. The process is fairly simple, some things can be made in bulk and stored in airtight containers in the fridge to be taken out and heated in the microwave for consumption throughout the week while some others need to be made fresh (salads, sandwiches, etc.) on the same day to be edible. I personally dedicate one of my weekend days, usually Friday to do my entire week’s grocery shopping in the early mornings before all the moms and pops are invading the aisles with their mismanaged carts. Getting all your week’s groceries also means you need to plan ahead what you’ll be eating that week and that’s completely dependent on your fitness plan, your exercise style, current goals and of course, your picky ass pallet.

So now you’ve settled on what you’re having throughout the week, you’ve gotten your meats, fish, carbs, dairy, fats and beverages in bulk and are now back in the kitchen - sans a hefty sum of cash - and a fuckton of ingredients. Now what?

Now you get to the real fun part. As mentioned earlier, investing in some quality tupperware is essential for the success, sustainability and ease of this plan. The whole point is that you want to get a routine going for you so that the process becomes easy and without surprises. If you’re planning to have chicken breasts or white fish fillets for lunch throughout the week, start grilling/roasting/steaming those en masse and once done store in their respective containers. If you’re roasting/steaming vegetables or sweet potatoes get on that as well and store accordingly. Many of your snacks will comprise of raw fruits, nuts and yogurt for instance so that will require little to no preparation on your part past packing them in your food bag in the morning.

Which brings me to my next point, packaging. Obviously this means waking up a tid bit earlier - or if you’re a real bed hugger, preparing it the night before - so you can section off your day’s meals in your tag alone tupperware containers before you head out to work. I assume you’re smart enough to eat breakfast before you leave the home so realistically you’ll only need to be packing two to four meals (snack #1, lunch, snack# 2 and dinner if you’re staying late at the office that day). As mentioned items such as salads and sandwiches need to be made fresh hence the waking up a tidbit earlier part so you can get on that. A good mixed green salad or sandwich shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes total in terms of preparation and packaging once you get the hang of it.

Alright, that seems fairly simple in regards to nutrition, no? On to the second half of the equation, to get your ass shaking!

If the saying that “Abs are 20% in the gym and 80% in the kitchen” is true, that still means those 20% are essential motherfuckers as far as you’re concerned. When it comes to the 9-5 life, the concept of working out is summed up to one simple premise; choosing the right time. I for one decided long ago that the whole hit the gym after work simply was not for me. I had no energy, no motivation and certainly no capacity to withstand the hordes of other people in a now packed gym so I hit the weights before work around 6 AM. Naturally that choice simply isn’t for anyone and everyone. Some people genuinely can’t wake up that early, while some others don’t mind working out after their work day at all. It’s completely up to you. An added bonus for early risers however is the unmatched pleasure of a gym you do not have to share with others!

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So yes choosing the right time is essential, but more important, choosing a time you can consistently work out during is all the more important. Remember, we’re trying to instigate a routine at play here. Routine means order, order means focus, focus means results.

Having a good well thought out long term plan is essential for your overall fitness goals. Good nutrition only compliments a good exercise plan. Make sure you have a plan that addresses your goals and has milestones and check marks so you can always review your progress and tweak as necessary as you go along.

If you think this is anywhere near over, just hang in there and stay tuned for Part 2 about the Office fitness!