Facing the Mirror: Own Up To Yourself

This isn’t easy. Sorry, allow me to rephrase. This is fucking difficult. It is a fucking burden waking up before dawn around 4:30 AM, when it’s so dark you step over your cat and bump into every piece of furniture on the way to the bathroom. It’s bloody awful is what it is. But it’s a choice I choose to make 5 to 6 days a week, every week, all year round.

I make this choice because four years ago I decided that my body is a priority. Not just that I’d eat more greens, call 19991 less often and make more movements than bed rolls. It was a decision to take my body to the furthest it could go, and then some more. I strive for physical perfection, not a magazine cover perfection mind you, but my version of perfection. A shady and somewhat dodgy and constantly fluctuating image deeply engraved in the back of my head.

You probably think I’m talking aesthetics here. You’re only 33% mistaken. Aesthetics are definitely a measure for progress for me, but I recently crossed the mental block that had positioned it on the #1 spot and enabled me to realize that it ought to be a #2 or #3 indicator. For me, performance gains have taken the driver’s seat. Aesthetics will happen and more importantly - will constantly fluctuate.

You see, there’s a reason all those bodybuilders and fitness models talk about their on and off season diets and workouts, it’s because you can’t - and shouldn’t - maintain a 4% body fat all year round. You simply won’t progress with body fat that low. Whether you like it or not, your body needs fat in order to grow.

Why am I saying all this shit? Good question. It’s about that first paragraph. It’s about how difficult it can be to commit to this sort of lifestyle when you don’t have the drive or motivation. Many people make it their New Year’s resolution to hit the gym and drop the pounds and enter the next Summer with their Diva look on the beach. Yet less than 10% of people actually follow through with that. Most people hit the gym for a couple of weeks or one month max, and seeing no dramatic changes they are dissuaded and just abandon this whole fitness thing altogether. It’s an all too common scenario that’s become a ridiculous cliche at this point.

What’s the biggest issue there though? It’s simple. You think in short bursts. You have no long term vision. Of course relying solely on long term visions can be equally vicious as it can leave some people disheartened by the fact they’re not achieving their vision soon enough. It’s about setting realistic deadlines, milestones and evaluating your progress throughout by combining short term and long term goals in everything you do. You need a long term goal to be working for, whether it’s to be a certain weight class, or to lift a certain number of KGS in your one-rep max or how fast you can clock out a one kilometer run. It’s just as important to have many short time attainable goals over the course of the year which can help keep you motivated and enable you to reach this long term goal of yours. Short term goals also help you in reevaluating your overall plan and tweaking it accordingly if something isn’t working like you thought it would.

I’m writing all of this shit because it is all too common in my life to come across those who say that it’s difficult to commit to this lifestyle and they’re not necessarily mistaken. It is however an issue of prioritization. Is this important to you? More important than the convenience of lazying about? It’s a choice you have to make, no one else will make it for you. You must decide to respect your own body and be committed to its well being in nutrition and exercise alike.

What’s it gonna be hot stuff?

Office Fitness: Healthy Tips for Corporate Slaves (Part 2)

Of course, an article on office fitness wouldn’t be much good if it didn’t address how you can stay healthy in the office environment itself. All the stuff I mention in Part 1 seems somewhat obvious in retrospect and dependent entirely on both common sense and dedication to the cause. So let’s get zooming on what you can do to make sure your office is setting your progress behind…

Image Source/Photos.com

Dear corporate diary, I’ve only fantasized about skilling everyone on my floor 14 times today. Progress.

1. Your butt cheeks’ resting space.

Little do you know, but the very concept of sitting upright - regardless of how fantabulous your posture may be - is in fact unhealthy. You see, the human body did not evolve with the intent of being in an upright rigid L-shape (with an S twist) for prolonged periods of time. Being in a seated position wrecks internal havoc in the human body in terms of elevated blood pressure, lower back issues, muscle atrophy and much more. There are two ways to tackle this and they go as follow:

Bling Bling Motherfucker!

If your office cares about - and that’s usually big corporate machines bound by international rules and regulations, then you likely have ergonomic chairs in your office. These chairs cost a hefty sum - upwards of EGP 10,000 sometimes - but are designed in a manner which complements the natural curves of the spine and does not affect you in the same way standard desk chairs do.

Bounce girl bounce!

If your office allows it, you can always personally invest in buying the largest size workout ball you can find, inflating it and using it as your seat. The fact that it’s somewhat unstable and features no back support will mean that your body is forced to activate your core muscles throughout the entire time to keep you upright and more importantly, on the ball. Not for the faint hearted I must warn

Image Source/www.e90post.com

It may appear uncomfortable but once you get the hang of it it’ll still look ridiculous

2. Control your beverage intake.

I understand that’s part of corporate religion to engage in group indulgement and consumption of the psychedelic substance otherwise known as caffeine, but you can do be smarter about it! I understand that you can’t function without coffee but you know what, relying on two to four cups a day to function at the basic level isn’t exactly a good thing; you’re not different from a heroin junkie darling. First off, skip the fucking four teaspoons of sugar on that shit. You want to drink something sugary at work? Bring your own freshly squeezed fruit juice from home. Or I don’t know, maybe add a tablespoon of honey? You’d be surprised how many people shed off a ton of fat based solely on eliminating something as ridiculous as white sugar from their beverage intake. Needless to say, reaching out for a soda when you’re thirsty is a major no no. There are no nutritional benefits in these demonic tin cans; only worsening health. Trust me on that. I always go for water whenever I’m thirsty or when the need calls for a flavor change, some green tea or anise.

3. You’re not a dog, so stop responding to candy the way they do to treats.

I realize some of those companies try and do good by their employees and fill up their little office kitchenette with copious amounts of candy and chips that’s meant to help keep you satiated and focused on even more excel sheets, but them motherfuckers be fucking you like Judas did Jesus. Big time. As part of the aforementioned planning in Part 1 of the Office Fitness, you preparation of snacks and meals ought to cancel out the concept of temptation altogether. If you’ve got two snacks and a main meal, that means you ought to be eating every three hours or so while you’re at work, so your punk ass should be smart enough to stay away from some goddamn candy bars. No one’s holding a gun to your head to eat candy, and you’re only as strong as your will.

That moment when you get a call from HR telling you this year the Eid vacation will bridge two different weekends

4. Get moving out and about!

Say your office is too cheap to splurge on the fancy back-assisting chairs, say they’re not hip enough to let you get a freaking bouncy ball by your desk, they still can’t prevent you from getting up and taking a 5-minute walk around the office every hour or so. The key to preventing the negative effects of prolonged hours of sitting is that you move often enough to get your heart pumping and break the monotone of sitting to thwart off the negative health effects. Depending on how chill your office is with what you do, you can always dish out a few dozen push ups or crunches or even a plank every hour or so to really stay on top of your game. Obviously stretching is a big part of it and it does actively promote increased blood flow and cancel out the effects of prolonged seating so whenever you can, do try and whip out some dynamic stretches by your desk.

You see little boys and girls, sitting at your desk all day doesn’t have to be the end of it. You can stay active, you can keep moving and most of all, you can control the factors that influence the outcome. Working all day doesn’t have to be about taking calories in and burning nothing...

Image Source/Via Oregonstate.edu

...unless you watch porn at the office, in which case you’re burning plenty

Ultimately, the entire premise of staying fit despite leading a constrained and somewhat stressful lifestyle is entirely dependent on your will to do so. If you want it bad enough, you’ll get it no matter what. I hit the sack by 11 PM, I’m up by 4:45 AM, I down my chow, hit the gym, hit the showers, pack my meals and head on to work and slave away but I do so with full conviction that this is what’s best for me. That format may not work for you but the whole point is for you to find one that does and stick to it!

Now go get crackin’ you white collar slave you!

Office Fitness: Healthy Tips for Corporate Slaves (Part 1)

Do you toil in a desk job for a living? Do you punch in your timestamp at 9 AM on the dot and not a moment sooner lest your boss dock off a couple of days from your pay? Are you expected to perform at optimal levels day in, day out from 9 to 5 (and sometimes even later) every day of the year? Are you and the office chair spending so much time together your ass has effectively been molded to fill the entire space?

If you answered yes to any or all of the above, then this post, dear fellow corporate slave, is most definitely for you.

Fitness and leading a healthy lifestyle in general is always a bit of a hurdle to those of us who lead the corporate life. Many of us end up with a “choose this or the other” type of option and often follow the money trail at the expense of their fitness, believing they’ll make enough money in a couple of years to quit while they’re ahead and get right back on track. Only suddenly you’re 36 and your shirts’ buttons aren’t as cooperative as they used to be back in the day and your belt holes are only getting wider and you’re still working the same job.

Image Source/Photodisc/Getty Images

It’s not a matter of selecting being fit and poor or being unfit and bringing home the greens, thinking like that only highlights the fact that you’re not really 100% committed to the concept of being fit. If you think of it as a choice or an option then that means you’re probably not that into it in the first place. Fitness or leading a healthy lifestyle isn’t a phase or passing trend, it’s a lifelong commitment and it requires dedication.

Your two main assault weapons as a corporate whore who wants to make sure they stay on top of their fitness game will be Planning and Discipline. There’s no shortcut when it comes to it. It’s all in or none at all. The trickiest part for those of us at corporate usually stems from nutrition and how hard it is to stay faithful to the course with temptation, office kitchen snacks, co workers’ birthdays and many other factors influencing us.

The biggest challenge for those who wish to stay fit and still maintain their corporate benefits usually stems from believing they don’t have the time or energy to plan things out or make arrangements and it honestly revolves around how lazy you are. If you want it bad enough, you’ll make it happen. No, you don’t have to order McDonald’s or Pizza Hut with the rest of the office gang just because it’s more convenient. No, you don’t have to starve yourself at the office all day subsiding on oxygen and prayer till you make it home so you’re not tempted to gorge on junk food at your desk then cry it out by the paper shredder later that afternoon. What your tie or skirt wearing ass needs to do is shake your brand name wallet and invest in some microwave air/liquid tight tupperware containers.

Yes sirs and madams, that does indeed mean planning ahead and preparing your day’s meals or even your week’s ahead of time. The process is fairly simple, some things can be made in bulk and stored in airtight containers in the fridge to be taken out and heated in the microwave for consumption throughout the week while some others need to be made fresh (salads, sandwiches, etc.) on the same day to be edible. I personally dedicate one of my weekend days, usually Friday to do my entire week’s grocery shopping in the early mornings before all the moms and pops are invading the aisles with their mismanaged carts. Getting all your week’s groceries also means you need to plan ahead what you’ll be eating that week and that’s completely dependent on your fitness plan, your exercise style, current goals and of course, your picky ass pallet.

So now you’ve settled on what you’re having throughout the week, you’ve gotten your meats, fish, carbs, dairy, fats and beverages in bulk and are now back in the kitchen - sans a hefty sum of cash - and a fuckton of ingredients. Now what?

Now you get to the real fun part. As mentioned earlier, investing in some quality tupperware is essential for the success, sustainability and ease of this plan. The whole point is that you want to get a routine going for you so that the process becomes easy and without surprises. If you’re planning to have chicken breasts or white fish fillets for lunch throughout the week, start grilling/roasting/steaming those en masse and once done store in their respective containers. If you’re roasting/steaming vegetables or sweet potatoes get on that as well and store accordingly. Many of your snacks will comprise of raw fruits, nuts and yogurt for instance so that will require little to no preparation on your part past packing them in your food bag in the morning.

Which brings me to my next point, packaging. Obviously this means waking up a tid bit earlier - or if you’re a real bed hugger, preparing it the night before - so you can section off your day’s meals in your tag alone tupperware containers before you head out to work. I assume you’re smart enough to eat breakfast before you leave the home so realistically you’ll only need to be packing two to four meals (snack #1, lunch, snack# 2 and dinner if you’re staying late at the office that day). As mentioned items such as salads and sandwiches need to be made fresh hence the waking up a tidbit earlier part so you can get on that. A good mixed green salad or sandwich shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes total in terms of preparation and packaging once you get the hang of it.

Alright, that seems fairly simple in regards to nutrition, no? On to the second half of the equation, to get your ass shaking!

If the saying that “Abs are 20% in the gym and 80% in the kitchen” is true, that still means those 20% are essential motherfuckers as far as you’re concerned. When it comes to the 9-5 life, the concept of working out is summed up to one simple premise; choosing the right time. I for one decided long ago that the whole hit the gym after work simply was not for me. I had no energy, no motivation and certainly no capacity to withstand the hordes of other people in a now packed gym so I hit the weights before work around 6 AM. Naturally that choice simply isn’t for anyone and everyone. Some people genuinely can’t wake up that early, while some others don’t mind working out after their work day at all. It’s completely up to you. An added bonus for early risers however is the unmatched pleasure of a gym you do not have to share with others!

Image Source/SimplyShredded.com

So yes choosing the right time is essential, but more important, choosing a time you can consistently work out during is all the more important. Remember, we’re trying to instigate a routine at play here. Routine means order, order means focus, focus means results.

Having a good well thought out long term plan is essential for your overall fitness goals. Good nutrition only compliments a good exercise plan. Make sure you have a plan that addresses your goals and has milestones and check marks so you can always review your progress and tweak as necessary as you go along.

If you think this is anywhere near over, just hang in there and stay tuned for Part 2 about the Office fitness!

The Worst Kept Secrets In the Fitness Industry (Part 5): Weight Maintenance & Management

Don’t you just hate how we’re in a constant state of yo-yo-ing? Haven’t you always wondered how your weight can shift by two to three kilograms every other week? Don’t you just hate how you can’t figure out why your body is being a little bitch about weight gain?

It’s science time, bitch!

Let’s take a little trip down memory lane. Specifically some 200,000 years ago right around the time Homo sapiens really made their breakthrough on this floating rock in space. You ought to know what our over-glorified species has evolved since then with hardwired mechanisms for survival just like every other creature on Earth. Much like other animals, we were opportunistic feeders, gatherers and hunters, eating whenever possible because you never knew when the next meal would come by. Fast forward to today, we’ve allocated millions of square kilometers to farmland, grocery stores fill every corner of our streets with foods stacked up further than you can reach, your fridge is within arm’s reach and filled with goodies.

Do you know what the problem with that is? Our bodies simply didn’t have enough time to co-evolve alongside our progression as a species. Your bodies have historically been hardwired for fat storage - for the purpose of survival - and to store a % of consumed food (which was historically consumed over prolonged intervals, sometimes days) into fat. Your bodies simply haven't caught up with the concept that you can eat every hour on the hour. That's why you look around and see obesity rates skyrocketing across the globe. Humans need to understand that their bodies are unaware that we've evolved into growing and hoarding food so close to our hearts. The same concept applies to gaining muscles!

Believe it or not, it's somewhat contradictory to your body's mantra to even put on muscle mass. Your body views it as an unnecessary expenditure of energy and resources towards something that is otherwise used sparingly. Your body is much more geared towards fat storage because fats are an excellent source of energy whereas muscles promote increased functional movement but aren't an optimal energy storage mechanism. And that's not taking into account the actual energy which goes into maintaining muscle mass let alone create it.

Muscle is created when an external force exerts itself on existing muscles, rendering the need for more muscle fiber in order to perform the same movement (lift the same weight) more easily the next time. Weight lifting operates by the mode of creating micro-tears in your muscle fibers, which your body then fixes by filling up those tears and then adding on new fibers and motor units to increase functional strength. But maintaining such muscle mass in the modern era is like fighting an uphill battle. Our ancestors were arguably much fitter and much more capable of holding onto their muscle mass due to their more active lifestyle, whether as hunters, warriors or farmers prior to the automation of the process and reliance on machinery. A constantly active and engaging lifestyle guarantees an easier maintenance of weight due to the interexchange of calories between muscle gain and fat storage/loss. Nowadays though, it's a different story...

The trick here is about ensuring you have a good plan with two attack angles. Step 1: An active routine. You can't expect to labor away at a desk for eight to ten hours then go back home to crash in front of the TV for three more hours and then magically keep your weight and waistline stable. You need to get moving.

A weight lifting routine (girls, don't freak out and go running for the hills just yet you WON'T get bulky and manly looking) ensures that your bones, muscles, tendons and joints are challenged towards putting on muscle mass and burning through fat storages while boosting overall metabolism. Weight lifting also ensures increased bone density which is arguably far more important for women who are at a constant risk of bone density loss on account of pregnancy. Weight lifting routines which are consistently maintained and tweaked every four to six weeks also create a hormonal balance which puts the body in the right state for anabolism (muscle building) rather than catabolism (muscle breakdown).

And remember, when it comes to muscles, use it or lose it. Your body will not waste energy on something that's taking up space and offering no functionality. The process is known as muscle atrophy and it simply means that muscles that aren't constantly engaged and have their limits pushed are broken down into basic elements and their nutrients recycled back throughout your body. If you use the muscle, it will grow and stay there.

Step 2: Nutrition Plans. No, I'm not talking about counting calories. I leave that shit to Victoria's Secret models and celebrities. Normal people who have school, university or desk jobs don't have the luxury of having teams of people whose sole occupation is to ensure they look good. Which bring me to a good point. Stop comparing yourself to celebrities and their physiques. They operate on entirely different levels. They are paid to look like that. Their lifestyle revolves around that. You can't expect to achieve the same levels while leading your normal life with all its shit and giggles. But I digress...

Your nutrition plan needs to account for both your active routine as well as your largely sedentary lifestyle (which you need to change!). That means that meal timing is everything. Don't munch on apple for breakfast and reach out for the chicken and pasta before you sleep. Eat heartily when you wake up. Your body needs the energy and your body is likely to burn through whatever you eat for breakfast (unless it's ice cream, which it shouldn't be, unless your name is Willy Wonka). You should eat a good combo of proteins and complex carbohydrates before your workout and a similar meal after your workout when your body needs nutrients the most. Your dinners should be consumed at least three hours before bedtime and should focus on giving your body something to do while you snooze (think Cottage cheese) with snacks throughout the day including fruits, nuts or yogurt.

What you need to do is be honest to yourself about this. It's not easy. Acknowledge it. It's not a short trip. It's not a one off trip till you reach some fantasy goal. This is a lifestyle. Your weight will still - to a degree - bounce around until you find that balance and learn enough about yourself, what affects you, what works for you, and what doesn't. You might discover that dairy makes you bloated and you should cut it out, you might discover adding oats to your diet helps you lose belly fat, you might figure out that drop sets workout for your muscle building capacity than normal sets, etc.

Take this as an opportunity to learn about yourself, your body and what you think you can do. The results may surprise you.

Remember that your body doesn't know what you're doing, it doesn't know you want to hit 10% body fat and look like a model at the beach. It doesn't care for your muscle building. It's a cold calculating machine which allocates resources (and strips them off!) as necessary. All your body wants to do is to store some fat and ensure that your dumb ass survives long enough to propagate and spread your genetic material down into the genetic pool. 

You need to control it, don't let it drive you around.