Chocolate Oatmeal Honey Cake: An Almost-Guilt-Free Dessert

99.99% of the time, desserts are usually the downfall of most people going on “diets”. The sugar tooth is simply too powerful to overcome. We are slaves to its whims. Like a poor man in a gimp suit forced to eternally lick the bottom of his BDSM mistress’s boots. T’is truly a shame.

But it doesn’t have to be. Over the course of the coming weeks I’ll be sharing a few “healthy” dessert recipes that ought to more than do a job of fondling your slutty sugar tooth without adding too many inches to your bulging waistline. Bare in mind that just because these are healthy alternatives to your average off-the-counter black forest slices, it doesn’t mean you ought to down the whole tray right after baking - also that’ll sting your tongue like a motherfucker cause things coming out of ovens are hot.

Let’s get down to our sticky business.

Ingredients:

• 1 large egg
• 2 cups oatmeal flakes
• ½ of a cooking chocolate bar (dark raw cocoa)
• Honey (at your discretion)
• 1 tbsp Cinnamon
• 1 tsp Coconut/Olive oil
• ½ liter Low fat/Skimmed milk

Process:

1. Pour the two cups of oatmeal flakes in a heat-proof container and empty a good half liter of boiling water on them, the oats will quickly suck all the water out and become fuller and more plump. Leave to cool down for 5 minutes then put in the fridge.
2. Grab your egg and break it into a small bowl. Whip it around like you’re Jayden Smith and you mean business. Seriously, that’s like the most crucial aspect of the whole process. Whip it continuously using a fork or an egg whip till that motherfucker has tripled in volume.
3. Add your tsp of oil, cinnamon and honey to the egg and mix well. The honey bit is up to your discretion, normally half a small jar would suffice but you could add less or more depending on how sweet you want the cake to turn out. Just don’t be too stingy with the honey otherwise the cake won’t turn out very soft and will most likely burn.
4. In a small pot, melt the chocolate bar in the low fat milk on low/medium heat till it’s perfectly mixed.
5. Add the egg/cinnamon/honey mixture to the chocolate. Mix well.
6. Bring out the oats from the fridge and dump on the mixture and mix well.
7. Dump it all in a pyrex or baking pan and make sure it’s evenly spread out all throughout the pan.
8. Place in an oven (which you had already pre-heated to 185 degrees Celsius) and put the timer on 30 minutes.

Depending on the thickness of your mixture and the type of pan you’ve used, it can actually take up to 40 - 45 minutes. Use the knife stab test at the 20-minute mark and if it comes out gooey and wet keep at it and monitor closely.

Usually I recommend that you only activate the heat in the oven from the bottom side only and activate the upper side along the bottom only in the last 10 minutes so the top of your cake doesn’t burn.

Once the knife confirms that it is indeed done, take it out and allow it to cool for half an hour. You can start slicing it into brownies sized squares or just digging a spoon right in. It does however taste 100 times better when it is refrigerated and consumed a few hours after being inside the fridge.

You can serve with bananas, strawberries or peanut butter on top for some added flavor. More experienced bakers and fitness enthusiasts can even add a couple of scoops of chocolate flavored whey protein in the mix before baking for an added nutrition twist and a hell of a lot more protein.

And remember, just because it's made using cleaner ingredients doesn't necessarily mean you can over-indulge. Everything in moderation.

Let me know it turns out!

Recipe of the Day: Chili Chocolate For the Cold and the Soul

Another quick recipe and this one will be deemed more seasonal than anything considering the sudden weather shift we’re experiencing here in Egypt as the climate finally realizes it’s fucking December and starts acting like it.

So the below recipe is a straightforward hot dark chocolate drink with a spicy twist that will leave your body warm and your throat more than clear. It’s not spicy in the same sense as you’d experience it with food but there’s definitely an after-kick in the back of the throat that you feel with every single sip. You’ll know what I mean once you do it.

Now I’m not saying this is a “diet” drink. Dark chocolate is the real deal, it’s chock full of calories but it’s also full of healthy fats and antioxidants so you’re definitely getting some benefit aside from the flavor and emotional support. This shouldn’t be a daily fixture in your diet but can be a bi-weekly treat on those days when it’s just too cold out there.

The following makes for two servings (roughly two 250 ml mugs)

Ingredients

• 500 ml skimmed milk
• 6 squares dark cooking chocolate (You can find a brand called Swifax in almost any supermarket and it’s pure cooking cacao)
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon powder
• ½ teaspoon ground chili powder
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar (if desired)

Process

Preparation time: 2 minutes

Cooking time: 5 - 7 minutes

• Cut up your cooking chocolate bar so you have your six squares nicely separated from one another.
• Inside a pot, place your 500 ml of skimmed milk and the chocolate squares.
• Add the cinnamon and chili powder (and sugar if you’re going for it)
• Place on high heat while constantly stirring till it reaches boil (by then the chocolate should have significantly melted)
• Lower to low / medium heat after reaching boil and continue to stir until chocolate pieces have completely melted
• Serve in the mugs, garnish with raspberries or cinnamon sticks if that tickles your fancy.

Note: Tweak the ingredients’ portions as necessary if you’re making larger servings for groups (but go easy on the chili, a little goes a long way!)

I hope you enjoy it, I know I certainly did. Let me know how you react to it!

No Need to Feel Guilty: Chocolate Banana Mousse for the soul

Let’s get real here. We all love dessert. If you know someone who says they don’t like desserts, they are either lying or are the living dead. Stab them. Stab them in the dick. Do it now! Save yourself!

The most commonly loved dessert item amongst most people is none other than the wonderful chocolate. 9/10 people swear they could live off of it if they were allowed to by society and nutritionists, sadly we can’t, and more often than not, most of the chocolate in our lives comes from processed candy sources which defile the very concept of chocolate, transforming what was once a pure and antioxidant rich item into a sugar coated joke.

Today, and over the coming weeks I’ll be sharing with you random recipes for utilizing chocolate to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours without messing up your nutrition plan. Heck, some of these will have enough protein to battle it out against your average steak!

Let’s get crackin’! Today’s recipe is none other the coveted Chocolate Banana Mousse!

Yes, mousse is composed of cream, a fuckton of butter and a clusterfuck of sugar, which is why the mousse in this recipe won’t be your traditional type and will require a bit of creativity on your part. There are always alternatives when it comes to cooking and baking and it’s all about reading up and learning how you can use them.

Ingredients:

• 2 bananas
• 8 pitted/skinned ripe black dates
• 1/2 can coconut milk [you can find those in Alfa or Metro or Seoudi supermarkets]
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 Tbsp cocoa powder [Hershey’s unsweetened from Metro/Alfa/Seoudi supermarkets] (can be replaced with 2 scoops of chocolate flavor whey protein)
• 1 Tbsp natural peanut/almond butter
• 1 Tbsp honey (optional)
• A pinch of salt

Directions:

1. Pop open the can of coconut milk, but make sure you grab the thick Thai style coconut milk, not the lighter/thinner version as the higher fat content of real coconut milk is necessary to make a good mousse.
2. Pour half of the coconut milk into a food processor/blender, add the dates, bananas, vanilla extract and peanut butter.
3. After blending for a minute, add the cocoa powder (or whey protein) plus the salt. Pulse a few times then scrape off any chunks which gathered on the sides of the container and continue blending until you have a super smooth consistency.
4. Transfer the mixture into a deep bowl then start whipping the mixture continuously for 5 to 10 minutes to incorporate air into the mousse. If you’re an experienced baker, you’ll already know that mousse mixtures don’t experience a big increase in volume on account of whipping the way heavy cream or egg whites get volumized.
5. Pour your mixture into smaller individual bowls, cover them with saran wrap and refrigerate for an hour or so before consumption. You can always garnish with berries or fresh banana.

This definitely hits the sweet tooth every time. As mentioned you can make it a protein snack/dessert by replacing normal unsweetened cocoa powder with chocolate flavored whey protein scoops.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes for you!