Chocolate Oatmeal Honey Cake: An Almost-Guilt-Free Dessert

99.99% of the time, desserts are usually the downfall of most people going on “diets”. The sugar tooth is simply too powerful to overcome. We are slaves to its whims. Like a poor man in a gimp suit forced to eternally lick the bottom of his BDSM mistress’s boots. T’is truly a shame.

But it doesn’t have to be. Over the course of the coming weeks I’ll be sharing a few “healthy” dessert recipes that ought to more than do a job of fondling your slutty sugar tooth without adding too many inches to your bulging waistline. Bare in mind that just because these are healthy alternatives to your average off-the-counter black forest slices, it doesn’t mean you ought to down the whole tray right after baking - also that’ll sting your tongue like a motherfucker cause things coming out of ovens are hot.

Let’s get down to our sticky business.

Ingredients:

• 1 large egg
• 2 cups oatmeal flakes
• ½ of a cooking chocolate bar (dark raw cocoa)
• Honey (at your discretion)
• 1 tbsp Cinnamon
• 1 tsp Coconut/Olive oil
• ½ liter Low fat/Skimmed milk

Process:

1. Pour the two cups of oatmeal flakes in a heat-proof container and empty a good half liter of boiling water on them, the oats will quickly suck all the water out and become fuller and more plump. Leave to cool down for 5 minutes then put in the fridge.
2. Grab your egg and break it into a small bowl. Whip it around like you’re Jayden Smith and you mean business. Seriously, that’s like the most crucial aspect of the whole process. Whip it continuously using a fork or an egg whip till that motherfucker has tripled in volume.
3. Add your tsp of oil, cinnamon and honey to the egg and mix well. The honey bit is up to your discretion, normally half a small jar would suffice but you could add less or more depending on how sweet you want the cake to turn out. Just don’t be too stingy with the honey otherwise the cake won’t turn out very soft and will most likely burn.
4. In a small pot, melt the chocolate bar in the low fat milk on low/medium heat till it’s perfectly mixed.
5. Add the egg/cinnamon/honey mixture to the chocolate. Mix well.
6. Bring out the oats from the fridge and dump on the mixture and mix well.
7. Dump it all in a pyrex or baking pan and make sure it’s evenly spread out all throughout the pan.
8. Place in an oven (which you had already pre-heated to 185 degrees Celsius) and put the timer on 30 minutes.

Depending on the thickness of your mixture and the type of pan you’ve used, it can actually take up to 40 - 45 minutes. Use the knife stab test at the 20-minute mark and if it comes out gooey and wet keep at it and monitor closely.

Usually I recommend that you only activate the heat in the oven from the bottom side only and activate the upper side along the bottom only in the last 10 minutes so the top of your cake doesn’t burn.

Once the knife confirms that it is indeed done, take it out and allow it to cool for half an hour. You can start slicing it into brownies sized squares or just digging a spoon right in. It does however taste 100 times better when it is refrigerated and consumed a few hours after being inside the fridge.

You can serve with bananas, strawberries or peanut butter on top for some added flavor. More experienced bakers and fitness enthusiasts can even add a couple of scoops of chocolate flavored whey protein in the mix before baking for an added nutrition twist and a hell of a lot more protein.

And remember, just because it's made using cleaner ingredients doesn't necessarily mean you can over-indulge. Everything in moderation.

Let me know it turns out!

A Scientific Dinner Is Better Than a Filling Dinner: Cottage Cheese

Who doesn’t like cheese? Probably people who are lactose intolerant. Or serial killers. But it’s a largely accepted fact that molded milk, more commonly known as cheese, is one of the finest delicacies out there in life. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of variations of cheese which differ from one country to another in their preparation method, consistency, taste and odor among other factors.

While most people’s minds drift towards Cheddar, Swiss, Gouda or even Feta cheese, this post will revolve around a less coveted type of cheese; cottage cheese or “gebna 2areesh”.

It’s no secret that cottage cheese does not commonly rank in the top five cheese choices by most individuals, it’s rather hard to find in most grocery stores and its consistency and somewhat bland taste fall on deaf ears for most people who opt for more flavorful types of cheese.

But cottage cheese is a unique kind of cheese. How so, you ask? Well, it’s science time, bitch!

The majority of cheeses are created using the whey protein derived from milk, whey if you are unaware, is the major component in most post-workout powder shakes due to the body’s ability to absorb it with significant ease and speed. Cottage cheese is in the unique position of being derived from casein protein, which unlike whey, is a slow-digesting protein which can take up to eight hours to fully digest; providing a steady stream of amino acids during that time.

“Why should I eat that for dinner? I’d like to have it for breakfast!” Well, you can do that of course, but the reason I recommend cottage cheese as the optimal dinner time meal is what I just stated above. Unlike most other foods which can be completely digested within three to four hours, cottage cheese can easily last during your entire sleep, keeping your stomach churning and burning during your sleep, supplying your muscles with protein during your slumber, preventing catabolism and boosting your overall metabolism.

Now that we’ve established a logical reason why you should be eating cottage cheese before bedtime. It’s time we tackle the second issue which affects cottage cheese; flavor. Once again, like pretty much any food (except Okra [Bamia], because fuck Okra) its flavor depends on how you use different ingredients to bring out its glory. I’ll share with you a few recipes which I utilize on rotation basis which add a great twist on my cheese and keep me more than satisfied.

Cottage cheese a la thyme and olive oil:

Ingredients:

• One small bowl of cottage cheese
• One tablespoon olive oil
• One teaspoon fresh thyme
• Dozen almonds
• ½ teaspoon paprika
• ½ teaspoon pepper

Process:

• Add the paprika and pepper onto the cottage cheese in the bowl.
• Add the olive oil and thyme on top.
• Mix well using a fork to mash the cheese with the other ingredients.
• Add almonds on top.

You can eat this as is with just a fork or have it with a side of whole/multi-grain bread.

Cottage Cheese a la mustards and Brussels Sprouts:

Ingredients:

• 2-4 pieces of whole/multi-grain toast
• One bowl of cottage cheese
• One tablespoon mustard
• Fistful of Brussels Sprouts
• One small tomato diced laterally
• One small yellow bell pepper diced laterally
• One tablespoon balsamic vinegar
• ½ teaspoon paprika
• ½ teaspoon pepper
• ½ teaspoon powdered ginger
• ½ teaspoon black seeds

Process:

• Heat your toast pieces in a toaster till they’re at a crunchy (but not burnt) consistency
• Layer up the cottage cheese so its evenly spread on your toast
• Add the paprika, black seeds, ginger, black pepper and mustard atop the cheese
• Add the balsamic vinegar on top
• Spread the mustard on top
• Add the Brussels sprouts and sliced tomato and bell pepper

Cottage Cheese a la sweet tooth:

Ingredients:

• 2 pieces of whole/multi-grain toast
• One bowl of cottage cheese
• Two tablespoons of honey
• ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon powder

Process:

• Heat your pieces of toast till they’re crunchy
• Layer up the cheese evenly atop the bread
• Spread the ground cinnamon powder evenly on top
• Drizzle the honey

This is one dinner plate that will leave your taste buds satisfied and ensure that your body’s got something to do while you’re snoozing. Let me know what you think about the recipes and share your own twists by commenting below!

If you have any question on techniques or execution please comment below or reach out to me on Twitter on @Foxicakes I’ll be more than glad to assist!

Bonne appétit