The Bouncing Yo-Yo That Is You: Weight Fluctuations

Well look at you. You've done it. You've conquered your lazy fuck of an alter-ego and managed to get that cellulite-infested tushy off the couch, away from the screen showing repeat episodes of Game of Thrones and committed yourself into adopting a healthier and more active lifestyle.

Except oh wait look at that those two kilos you thought you'd shanked off of you last week seemed to have come back. With a vengeance I might add. Now I'm not talking about a plateau here, I'm talking the scale is showing you going up in numbers despite your more than humble efforts in the gym and in the kitchen.

Overwhelmed by confusion, you try to re-visit your actions over the past week. Was it the extra banana you decided to gorge on thinking that fruits are kosher? Was it your mother secretly rubbing butter all over your steamed broccoli, which would also explain why you could suddenly swallow broccoli without feeling repulsed? Was it perhaps invisible calories floating in the air? Can breathing make you fatter? Should I stop breathing?

You, my friend, are merely a victim to ignorance. You see, a big part of the whole taking the reins in regards to fitness and overall wellness is research and more research. You need to learn a great deal about the human body and its intricate complex network of inner workings in order to truly prepare yourself for the inevitable fact that comes crashing against everyone just like that wave that destroyed the pathetic excuse of a sandcastle you built as a child during that one time your parents decided they could feign being happy together enough to drag the entire family on an uncomfortable road trip to some godforsaken overcrowded smelly beach for a week where you'd endure nothing but mosquito bites, mediocre food, odd family gatherings and sun burns. Ah, to be young again...

I digress.

Your problem is that you're awfully focused on a number. Not just a number that you hope to reach, but the concept of numbers itself. Scales are about as good an indicator of overall fitness as tigers are experts in the field of vegan cuisine. The story they tell you is contorted, if at all true. Scales do not account for the amount of muscles you have gained. They can't tell the difference between bone, fat and muscle. They can't tell you if those two kilos you've gain are split evenly among 300 grams of new muscle mass, a one-kilogram poop currently held up inside your rectum and 700 grams of water weight. A scale can give you a number that is as representative of who you are as that Gothic phase you adopted during high school speaks to who you are as a person. (Editor's note: This analogy only works so long as you had decided to drop the Gothic alter ego from your life by the time you got to college or later on, and if you hadn't, well...I'm sorry for all the anger?)

Weight fluctuations are a very natural part of the life-long fitness journey we're all meant to embark onto. People who maintain a solid figure year-round are those whose lives revolve around that very concept. Their livelihood depends on it, they're sponsored athletes who must be at certain numbers depending on whether or not they're in contest-season. You on the other hand are a college student or someone with a 9-to-5 to job. You don't compete in contests that demand you fulfill a certain number in order to represent under a specific weight class or category.

You're someone with a higher calling. You're someone who wants to be the best possible version of themselves despite of all the odds of modern life and her temptations stacking up against them. Professional athletes have impressive physiques, but I'd say a more impressive feat is maintaining that resolve and sticking it out without being a sponsored athlete whose sole occupation is to workout and eat right.

Me and my pops tearing it up in the gym

What I'm trying to say is this. Relax. It's not a quick stop till you hit a goal weight then unwind. This is a life long commitment. A commitment to always being active and treating your body the way it deserves. Think of it this way, you can have a Mercedes S-500, but if you pump that sweet motherfucker full of diesel, all you're going to end up with is a very expensive car-shaped paper weight. You give it the 95-grade fuel it deserves, and it'll take you places. Your body is the same way. Wholesome nutrition and proper exercise transform your body into an entity that will take care of you down the line just as you have taken care of it.

Weight fluctuations mean nothing if your eyes are really focused on the prize; to be better than you were yesterday.

So You’ve Decided To Pack Up And Hit The Road: Working Out While Travelling

We’ve all been there. You were in the zone. You were all in. You were kicking ass and taking names, making gains and witnessing unprecedented progress in your workouts and then you suddenly have to travel.

Goddammit.

After throwing your fists into the air and cursing the heathen gods for trying to stall your progress with this unplanned business trip/forced upon you family trip, you must now come to terms with reality. The reality is that you travelling is only a bump in your progress if you choose to make it so by not being prepared/proactive enough.

Pictured: Not me

Once again I am assuming you’re as religiously dedicated to this whole fitness shebang thing as I am. Most people would probably refer to me as obsessed or whatever, but you’re entitled to your opinion. And you’re an asshole. The point I’m trying to bring here is that your level of prepardness highlights your dedication.

One of the first things I do right after booking my flight is to check if my hotel has a decent gym. Obviously by decent I don’t mean treadmill and a stationary bike, I’m talking weights, dumbbells, barbells, smith machines, leg press, the works. Sadly, very few hotels invest in their gyms that way so my modus operandi is usually to Google the closest gyms to my hotel/work place that are still high caliber stuff. It’s a simple search which takes five to ten minutes between digging up the place, checking their reviews, photos of the joint and making sure they have a daily/weekly pass type of deal for those without monthly subscriptions.

Another thing that may work for you if you’re not at the weightlifting mode just yet is elastic bands. You can easily buy those online, my favorite brand (99.99% tear proof) is Bodylastics and they have a wide variety of bands with different resistance weights that can easily match weights and give you a run for your money. You can easily pack them into your suitcase, they hardly take up any space, and you can easily perform exercises using them literally anywhere.

Now that I’ve got hold of the exercise department and guaranteed my sweating/soreness ratio will remain unaffected by my travels, it’s time to tackle an even bigger issue at play; nutrition.

Take me for instance, I’m on a business trip to Dubai, so what do I do? I packed all of the first day’s meals in airtight/liquid tight containers as well as packed a few essentials I can use during my first night/morning at the hotel room before I can hit the grocery stores after work. That way I hit the gym before work and I have my pre and post workout meals ready in addition to a few snacks to munch on (think apples, bananas, nuts) and having a light lunch at work.

Again, I don’t expect you to be that obsessed, most people don’t workout while they are travelling, they take it as an opportunity to reward themselves for their good and hard work, they take a few days off from the gym business, they sample the local cuisine, and that’s perfectly normal. Just as long as you don’t come back beating yourself up about it.

It’s all about choices. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for meal # 3 on this lovely rest day.

Get Pumping Before You Start Jumping: Warming Up

Short and sweet this ought to be.

It’s simple. Never, ever, ever jump right into your workout without properly warming up beforehand, capiche?

What does warming up mean? It means getting your heart pumping at a higher rate and increasing blood flow throughout either your entire body or to specific muscle groups that are about to be put through the test in the gym or the field.

You often see athletes jumping up and down around the track before being substituted into the game. It always happens. No coach is ever going to send in a player who’s been sitting on the bench for an hour or so head on into the game without a decent 10-15 minute warm up beforehand; but why?

Warming up does more than just funnel oxygen and nutrients into your muscle fibers, it adequately prepares the muscle fibers and relaxes them which in turn can help prevent painful potential injuries on account of muscles being too tense to activate efficiently.

My warm ups can vary day-on-day between doing them on a treadmill, a stationary bike, an elliptical machine or throwing in a combo of body weight workouts together for a good 10 minutes till I’ve broken a sweat and gotten ready for what’s to come. Here’s a sample to give you a better idea [YouTube any moves you may not be familiar with for reference or have an experienced fitness instructor show you how to do them]:

[Note: This warm up is practiced by jumping on and off a treadmill that is left running on speed 8 during the duration of the entire warm up so that I am jogging, jumping off, performing the different moves then jumping back on for a jog and so on and so forth till the 10 minutes are up. This can be substituted for other workout machines or by running in place if there is no treadmill]

• Jog for 2 minutes
• High knees in place [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Moving high knees [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• High heels [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Moving high heels [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Jumping jacks [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Power jacks [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Bodyweight squats [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Jumping squats [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Sumo squats [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Boxersize [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Mummy kicks [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Alternating knee-to-elbow kicks [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Mountain climbers [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Push ups [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Dips [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 10 seconds
• Pull ups/chin ups [15 repetitions]
• Jog for 1 minute

Sounds awfully long and complicated for a warm up doesn’t it? Really and truly isn’t. I’m not just saying that because my life revolves around fitness, I honestly started learning this routine a few months back and once you get the hang of it, the tempo becomes quite memorable and you become quite adept at switching up some of the moves and laying special focus on specific muscle groups as per the intended workout of the day.

Warm ups can also incorporate dynamic stretches, which I discussed briefly in a previous post.

Obviously the above highlights what I do, it’s meant to be a general thing you take up unless you can do it safely and above all, would like to make it a part of your fitness routine.

Don’t forget to get pumping before you start jumping!

Handling the Morning After: The Real Walk of Shame

Raise your hand if you woke up the day after a grueling workout and you could have sworn you thought you were dying from the amount of pain being inflicted on you by your sore muscles. I will assume at least 99.99% of you raised your hand. Which is really weird, because you’re reading this off your computer or your phone, which I’m sure would look really odd to bystanders and onlookers. Put your hand down you are such an embarrassment.

So before we get to the “how” of dealing with post-workout muscle soreness, let’s tackle the “why” of why it happens in the first place. Weight lifting and exercising in general operates on the muscles by means of creating micro-tears (don’t freak out, that’s a good thing!) in the muscle fibers which eventually prompt the body to fix and repair and to make them bigger by increasing their size and adding more muscle fiber so the muscle is able to perform the same exercise next time without experiencing those tears; which is why we always raise the intensity of our workout!

Why is it then that we feel sore? Well those micro-tears prompt your nerves to send out signals which resemble those of pain throughout your body which in turn triggers your nervous system to start funneling and channeling nutrients specifically towards those muscle which now require massive repairs and overhaul in order to be as good as new. Depending on the person, this feeling of soreness can last anywhere between 12 hours and three days depending on how new you are to the whole exercising thing, if it was the first time for you to perform this particular workout or if it was particularly intense.

Now, it’s vital that you be able to distinguish the difference in feeling muscle soreness the day after your workout and the feeling of a torn muscle (not good!). If you tore a muscle, you’re likely to feel it right then and there in the gym or shortly after your workout. You will be in a LOT of pain. It won’t feel normal or something you could just brave through. If it’s a particularly bad muscle tear, your skin in the affected area will turn dark purple on account of the internal bleeding within a few hours. Head to an ER immediately.

There are various degrees of muscle tear which range from low damage that heals within the week to complete muscle rupture which requires surgery and months of recovery. The trick to avoiding this is knowing your limit, don’t push it with extra heavy weights on exercises that put too much stress on your muscles. Have a spotter help you out when lifting heavy weights to ensure you don’t end up crushing your face underneath a barbell. Always, always, always make sure you are performing each and every repetition in perfect form; that is not negotiable. Do not sacrifice form for more weights. Ever.

So now we’ve tackle the why, the how to of taking care of sore muscles is rather simple. First off, make sure you stretch at the end of your workout, taking your time to stretch out the muscles which were engaged during the day’s workout thoroughly. Second, take a cold shower right after your workout, this helps the muscle relax instead of using hot water.

Third, make sure you’re eating a butt load of protein in all your day’s meals, be they breakfast, snacks, lunch or dinner. This is the most essential nutrient your body needs for muscular fiber repair above all else. Consuming whey protein right after your workout and taking BCAAs before your workout or before bedtime can also drastically improve recovery time. Lastly, and this is sort of a given, rest. Nothing will help your muscles heal better than a good old fashion 7 to 8 hour slumber.

With time you’ll find that your body can adapt quite well to handling soreness, eventually the same exercises may cease to cause any soreness whatsoever unless you vary the intensity greatly or utilize new ones altogether.

Pro tip: A professional massage can go a long way in easing any muscle soreness as it triggers increased blood flow to affected muscle fibers; carrying more nutrients and oxygen and whisking away toxins.

Take care, stay safe and have a friend pick you up from the gym after leg day.

Welcome to my bubble: Favorite Workouts

Another semi-personal article today. And boy is this one going to be lengthy.

If I were stuck in an island and had to pick specific exercises to perform and could only perform one or two exercises per bodypart, well, aside from kicking whatever genie threw me on that godforsaken islands in the balls, I’d pick me some compound ones (exercises that incorporate many muscle groups simultaneously) and a handful isolation ones (one muscle group only).

A foregone conclusion in this piece is that you have been shown how to do all of these exercises in perfect form. I’ve attached a few videos along the article to help guide you but they are never a replacement of being shown how to do them by a seasoned veteran in real life to ensure you are doing them in perfect form.

Note: Compound exercises are also notable for boosting overall metabolism and triggering increased hormonal secretion for Growth and Testosterone hormones which are crucial for promoting muscle gain and boosting fat burning.

This one will tackle my number one exercises for the major muscle groups. Once again, this is not a list of directives nor does it portray bias towards any exercise over another. This is just the list I’d pick of what works best for me and what largely contributes to improving my physique.

This post isn’t meant to tell you how to do them I’ve posted videos for that, but always have an experienced lifter show you how to execute them safely and properly. This is merely a list of my favorite workouts.

Chest

Bench Press: Ah, a classic. Just saying it brings historically brilliant chests to mind such as Arnold or Serge Nubret. This workout is arguably one of the best in the world for contributing to upper body and pectoral development. The workout can be performed by barbells or dumbbells and some machines are actually decent enough to give you your money’s worth for this workout but I personally prefer the iron pump.

As a compound exercise, it activates muscle fibers in your front deltoids (shoulders), triceps and pectorals.

Flys: Another instant classic in the world of pumped chests. This move works by increasing the density of muscle fibers laterally across your pectorals - making them wider and more flat and less muscular tits. So that’s good. We want that.

You can perform those either using dumbbells or on specialized flys machines. Between bench press and flys, there really isn’t much else your chest need to develop. Obviously changing the degree of incline from flat, incline to decline depending on which part of your pectorals you want to hit.

Back

Lat pulldowns: Easily the machine equivalent of the classic pull-ups - albeit in reverse. This move works nearly every major muscle in your back and can be made quite different and fresh by using different grips and widths which can help focus on specific areas of your back and help you achieve more overall volume.

Deadlifts: Ain’t nothing like a compound classic to work your back and legs and get that growth hormone booming all throughout your body. This move is entirely dependent on perfect execution due to the load placed on your lower back and hips which aren’t exactly structurally powerful areas of your body. It’s important to nail down the form on this workout in order to really reap its benefits and better yet have an experienced lifter show you how to do it right. Don’t go overboard with weights on this one, a little can go a long way!

Shrugs: Although most people would rather hit their trapezius muscles on shoulder day, I find that traps are more closely related and activated more commonly during back day. There is a wide variety of ways, forms and grips to perform shrugs so be sure to check out some varieties on YouTube for reference.

Shoulders

Barbell/Dumbbell/Machine Shoulder Press: Arguably the best way to get some serious mass and development on your frontal deltoids (the biggest and most prominent part of your shoulders) You can dish out this workout using a barbell, dumbbells or a machine, whatever works for you really. Machines are recommended for beginners since they help you nail down the right form with dumbbells being a favorite for helping to strengthen the stabilizer muscles used for balance.

Lateral Raises: My personal favorite on shoulder day! Nothing gives your shoulder that nice round globe shape quite like lateral raises and when it comes to me personally, I find that  drop sets work out best where I dish out 4 sets of 12 reps, dropping the weight by 20% every 4 reps.

Rear deltoid raises: It’s not really a “round” shoulder without putting some focus on the rear side of it now is it? These are best performed using specialized rear deltoid machines or dumbbells. Make sure to really squeeze at the top of your reps to gain maximum impact.

Arms

Bicep Curls: An oldie but a goldie. No brain work needed there. Some muscles need the basics and not much else. It’s what works best for me personally.

Triceps Rope push downs: Possibly my absolute favorite to isolate my triceps as it works all aspects of the muscles quite nicely and gets that lactic acid pumping faster than anything else.

Abdominals

Plank: I’ve already spoken extensively about planking in previous posts and I will repeat myself here. There is no workout I attribute my core development to over the past years more than planks. It is a static exercise which really engages your entire core region and increases overall core strength which in turn helps you out in a wide variety of other workouts which call upon a strong and reliable core.

Hanging Raises: Keep in mind this workout is usually reserved for individuals operating at more advanced levels. Many, even experienced folk, make the mistake of utilizing momentum to drive the movement in this exercise but that’s something you should strive to avoid. This workout engages your entire core area by virtue of your abs raising your legs and lowering them (in a controlled motion) rather than a spring action in which the legs are driving the movement.

Legs

Squats: No squats? No booty! No other workout hits your entire lower body and aids in the development of your quads, glutes and hamstrings altogether at once. It’s another compound classic which pushes your body to release testosterone and growth hormone and aids in overall development of muscles and fat loss.

Leg extensions: Arguably my favorite in terms of quads isolation over any other exercise. It really helps with quad developments and more advanced individuals can even do this exercise one-legged (with a significant drop in weights!)

Leg curls: Deadlifts may hit your hamstrings hard but if some isolation is what you’re looking for, look no further than the legs curls machine to really get those hammies burning up. Once again you can do this exercise one-legged but be careful to maintain perfect form and not to place any stress on your lower back or hips.

Walking lunges: A classic from the golden age of bodybuilding back when your weights were rocks and tree logs. This workout can work your quads, hamstrings, glutes as well as your hip flexors and stabilizer muscles but be prepared for a crazy burn.

Calf Raises: Calves are type II muscles which means that you need to go hard and you need to go heavy if you want to overcome the fact that you’re not genetically predispositioned to have big diamond shaped calves.

Body weight (General)

Push ups: If you want to add some core strength and shake your workout routine up a bit when it comes to your chest, look no further than push ups. There’s a ton of variation you can input into your push ups all the way from beginner on your knees style to one handed-one legged ones. Push ups hit your chest, triceps and shoulders all at once in addition to engaging your core for stability.

Pull ups: You want a V-shaped taper type deal on your upper torso? Then you best make pull ups your new best friend. Near infinite variation in terms of forms and grips which can help target specific areas of your back.

Dips: Hands down the best thing that ever happened to both my chest and triceps. Arguably the best contribution it offers is to your lower pectorals as it helps make them more shapely. A definite must have in your chest/triceps day.

So there you have it folks. These are my favorites. Obviously there are other ones I add to the mix but these should give you a pretty general idea about the most important ones to include in your weightlifting routine to get an overall tone going.