The Bouncing Yo-Yo That Is You: Weight Fluctuations

Well look at you. You've done it. You've conquered your lazy fuck of an alter-ego and managed to get that cellulite-infested tushy off the couch, away from the screen showing repeat episodes of Game of Thrones and committed yourself into adopting a healthier and more active lifestyle.

Except oh wait look at that those two kilos you thought you'd shanked off of you last week seemed to have come back. With a vengeance I might add. Now I'm not talking about a plateau here, I'm talking the scale is showing you going up in numbers despite your more than humble efforts in the gym and in the kitchen.

Overwhelmed by confusion, you try to re-visit your actions over the past week. Was it the extra banana you decided to gorge on thinking that fruits are kosher? Was it your mother secretly rubbing butter all over your steamed broccoli, which would also explain why you could suddenly swallow broccoli without feeling repulsed? Was it perhaps invisible calories floating in the air? Can breathing make you fatter? Should I stop breathing?

You, my friend, are merely a victim to ignorance. You see, a big part of the whole taking the reins in regards to fitness and overall wellness is research and more research. You need to learn a great deal about the human body and its intricate complex network of inner workings in order to truly prepare yourself for the inevitable fact that comes crashing against everyone just like that wave that destroyed the pathetic excuse of a sandcastle you built as a child during that one time your parents decided they could feign being happy together enough to drag the entire family on an uncomfortable road trip to some godforsaken overcrowded smelly beach for a week where you'd endure nothing but mosquito bites, mediocre food, odd family gatherings and sun burns. Ah, to be young again...

I digress.

Your problem is that you're awfully focused on a number. Not just a number that you hope to reach, but the concept of numbers itself. Scales are about as good an indicator of overall fitness as tigers are experts in the field of vegan cuisine. The story they tell you is contorted, if at all true. Scales do not account for the amount of muscles you have gained. They can't tell the difference between bone, fat and muscle. They can't tell you if those two kilos you've gain are split evenly among 300 grams of new muscle mass, a one-kilogram poop currently held up inside your rectum and 700 grams of water weight. A scale can give you a number that is as representative of who you are as that Gothic phase you adopted during high school speaks to who you are as a person. (Editor's note: This analogy only works so long as you had decided to drop the Gothic alter ego from your life by the time you got to college or later on, and if you hadn't, well...I'm sorry for all the anger?)

Weight fluctuations are a very natural part of the life-long fitness journey we're all meant to embark onto. People who maintain a solid figure year-round are those whose lives revolve around that very concept. Their livelihood depends on it, they're sponsored athletes who must be at certain numbers depending on whether or not they're in contest-season. You on the other hand are a college student or someone with a 9-to-5 to job. You don't compete in contests that demand you fulfill a certain number in order to represent under a specific weight class or category.

You're someone with a higher calling. You're someone who wants to be the best possible version of themselves despite of all the odds of modern life and her temptations stacking up against them. Professional athletes have impressive physiques, but I'd say a more impressive feat is maintaining that resolve and sticking it out without being a sponsored athlete whose sole occupation is to workout and eat right.

Me and my pops tearing it up in the gym

What I'm trying to say is this. Relax. It's not a quick stop till you hit a goal weight then unwind. This is a life long commitment. A commitment to always being active and treating your body the way it deserves. Think of it this way, you can have a Mercedes S-500, but if you pump that sweet motherfucker full of diesel, all you're going to end up with is a very expensive car-shaped paper weight. You give it the 95-grade fuel it deserves, and it'll take you places. Your body is the same way. Wholesome nutrition and proper exercise transform your body into an entity that will take care of you down the line just as you have taken care of it.

Weight fluctuations mean nothing if your eyes are really focused on the prize; to be better than you were yesterday.

10 Tips To Help You Shred Off Blubber

Instead of the classic article/feature style I usually bestow upon you I figured that since 99% of my readers are probably inflicted with ADD it’s perhaps best if I switch to a bullet point format every now and then so your feeble minds can keep up.

Today I’ll be dishing out 10 tips for the average fitness rookie in terms of nutrition that can help you actively be on your way to torch off your body’s stored fat reserves. Keep in mind this is all supplemented by an active lifestyle which includes regular physical training at least three times a week for no less than 30 minutes per session. Here goes…

1. Organic Vs. Factory Produce

Yes they maybe a bit heavier on your wallet but not all foods are created equal. Mass produced meat, dairy and even veggies/fruits often undergo processes which aim to cut down on the time it takes for them to reach levels at which they’re ready for sale. This usually means cutting corners as well as the liberal tampering with genetics in order to produce more faster. Organic foods often contain substantially higher amounts of healthy micronutrients, more vitamins, and more goodness. Organic meat means that the bovines from which it was produced were probably grass-fed, had space to walk around and exercise their muscles - resulting in better meat that actually contains up to 70% more Omega-3 fatty acids. As long as you can pay the rent, feed the cat and still have enough change to go to the movies on weekends, your switch to organic bought food won’t be as financially detrimental as you think. Sources for organic foods in Cairo include Gourmet, Makar Farms and interestingly enough, Army outlets (they produce veggies/fruits/dairy/meats all of which is organically grown!)

2. Go For the Complex Carbs

I’ve discussed before the benefit of complex carbs over simple ones. Simple carbs trigger a spike in your insulin hormone, which is the main hormone responsible for regulating fat storage in the body. Get your insulin levels peaking beyond a certain point, and BAM, all those lovely carbs you’re gorging on were just instructed by your body to be transformed into fat for storage. Complex carbs on the other hand are excellent pre-workout food choices due to their ability to deliver energy in a sustainable manner throughout your workout and not leading to a spike in insulin and in so, avoiding the crash! Complex Carbs include sweet potatoes, potatoes, whole grains (bread/rice/pasta), legumes, oatmeals and a wide variety of vegetables. Drop the croissant and munch on that sweet potato buddy!

3. Egg it Up

Various research studies have proven that the consumption of eggs in your breakfast meal lowers your overall caloric intake throughout the day. And they’re goddamn right at it too! Eggs are one of the most complete-protein foods out there, meaning they contain all the essential amino acids required by the body for the building of muscle tissue as well as promoting satiation and curbing hunger. You can have it boiled, scrambled, sunny side up or benedit - just skip the butter!

4. Gorge On Blubber (the good kind!)

It may seem counterproductive at first, but it’s vital for you to understand that not all fat is created equal. There is good fat and bad fat just like there are good carbs and bad carbs. Good fats are usually monounsaturated and are commonly not stored in the body but used for energy instead. Those can be found in damn near every fish in the sea (think salmon!), avocados, extra virgin olive oil, peanut butter and nuts among other sources. So long as you keep your overall fat intake under 30% of your overall caloric intake (unless you’re a powerlifter), ingesting good fats as an integral part of your diet can actually help you burn off stored fat.

5. The Only Way to Go is Pro

Pro for Protein. As discussed up there with the eggs bit, protein is one macronutrient that promotes satiation, meaning that it curbs hunger and makes you - and your filthy brain - feeling fuller for longer. Ingesting a high protein diet (think 40% of overall intake) puts your body in a hypertrophy mode (muscle building) which in turns burns fat for energy. The increased consumption of protein has been directly linked with the increase in specific hormones that actively control hunger levels. Just make sure you’re ingesting quality protein from varied sources which include poultry, beef (although not as often), fish, legumes, nuts and dairy. Avoid the canned stuff, it’s low quality over-salted mass produced shit. And no, hot dogs are not proper protein. Neither are nuggets. 

6. Green Doesn’t Always Stand for the Environment

Vegetables ought to be a much bigger part of your life. You know how many ingredients go into my average salad? 17. That doesn’t even count the protein or spices/condiments I add on there. There is certainly no shortage of diversity of vegetables in Egypt. We’re blessed with the fact that in 2014, street vendors are still ferrying off the produce from local farms as opposed to trucks unloading it into supermarkets from mass production plantations. Make sure a large percentage of your carbohydrate intake comes from vegetables to reap the benefit of complex carbs, fibers, minerals and vitamins. A salad ought to resemble a painting, an explosion of color and a celebration of life, and then drizzle some balsamic vinegar on that bitch!

7. Going Nuts Doesn’t Always Mean You’re Going Crazy

Nuts are notable high in fat. But it’s good fat! That being said, that doesn’t mean you’re free to consume a kilogram of almonds undeterred. They’re still quite high in calories but they do make exceptionally good snacks/meal additives and can help curb off hunger just as much as protein can. Think a handful (dozen) mixed nuts with a side of fruit/dairy as a midday snack between meals or a dozen nuts sprinkled atop your salad for some added protein. Try and go for the raw unsalted variety which you can purchase at nuts stores (I buy mine from مقلة صلاح الدين  on Merghani st. next to Seif Pharmacy for instance and they carry raw unsalted almonds, raw unsalted cashews, unsalted roasted peanuts and unsalted roast walnuts among other things)

8. Drop The Sweets

Seems like the obvious thing to do but don’t be thinking generic candy here. Your fancy ass latte from Starbucks which you slam against your face before work can be easily adding 200-400 calories to your day and you’re not even aware of it. For some reason, most of us don’t consider liquids as containing calories, perhaps because we drink water - which has zero calories - so we assume that applies to anything else that’s not a solid. On that note, milk is not a goddamn beverage it’s a fucking meal item. Easy on that shit son.

9. Turn Your Insides Into a Swimming Pool

I ain’t talking about that eight cups of water a day shit. I’m talking three to five liters of water every day. Despite you feeling otherwise, you’re mostly water. Water that can walk and talk. So sort of like a reverse thing from what Jesus did, except not at all the same, but I digress. My point being, you ought to be drinking water every hour on the hour as long as you’re awake. Yes, that will mean a trip to the little girls’ room every 30 minutes or so, but your kidneys, brain, digestion, immunity and muscle repair functions will be eternally grateful. Consuming water 30 minutes before your meals can also facilitate digestion and lessen your overall caloric intake. Always leave your home with a nice 1.5 liters bottle at hand and whenever you’re out, skip the Pepsi and go for some H2O.

10. Spice! Spice baby!

Spice your damn food! Don’t be a flavorless fool! Look ma’ I made rhymes! I’m not talking about your pathetic salt and pepper shakers either. I’m talking chili powder, ginger powder, cumin, cinnamon, paprika, oregano, thyme, black seeds, crushed mint, mustard seeds, mixed spices and anything else you want to thrown on there. Spices that actively regulate your hormones, help increase your body’s ability to blast belly fat as well as make something as inedible as tuna become delicious!

Bonus Tip: An Apple A Day...

The old adage didn’t come out of thin air you know, apples are really a superfood, as they contain chemicals known as polyphenols which have been found to boost muscle strength, endurance, and even fat loss, especially around the abdominal region. But apples alone can get a bit boring, fruits ought to be as much a part of your diet as vegetables and protein are. Grapefruit, banana, strawberries, pears, grapes, cantaloupe, kiwis, dates and many more (although not all at once you bad boy you!) can provide your body with a steady stream of fibers, minerals, vitamins and a healthy sugar rush!

I hope this has been somewhat helpful for you, if anything to give you some basic pointers about what you should be doing and what you should be avoiding. Bonne chance!

Recipe of the Day: Chicken Sandwich on-the-go

Hello Hello!

Another quick recipe for today, which I tried for the first time yesterday as part of my new nutrition plan on The Wellness Log. It's a fairly simple premise, it's a classic roast/grilled chicken sandwich with a twist!

Obviously there's some initial work that goes into it, mainly cooking the chicken itself. Aside from that the rest of the ingredients ought to be things you have lying around your kitchen counters, fridge or freezer. The following makes two sandwiches.

Ingredients

• One roast/grilled chicken breast - diced (boneless)
• Two whole grain bread buns (alternatively you can use Balady bread if you can get your hands on the one TBS makes - only produced in the Maadi branch!)
• Three large leaves Lolla Rossa lettuce (any other type will do)
• Handful raw baby spinach leaves (normal spinach will do as well)
• One tablespoon avocado
• Mustard
• Balsamic vinegar
• Cumin
• Ginger
• Black seeds (حبة بركة)

Process

• What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you never made a sandwich before? Just add all the above inside the bread, sprinkle the sauces and spices on top and dig right fucking in!

Give it a try and let me know what you think. My only regret is what I wolfed the whole thing down before taking a picture. I assure you it was quite tasty.

Recipe of the day: Baked Oatmeal In a Mug

We’ve all been there. Your alarm was being a pissy little bitch and it didn’t ring loud enough, didn’t ring hard enough or just flat out didn’t ring at all. You’re now late for whatever the shit it was you were waking up for. Alas, you don’t have time for the spruce goose of a breakfast you usually make before you head out but you’ll be damned to Satan’s butthole before you leave your home on an empty stomach (that’s just like a fitness 101 no no)

So now you have to figure out a way to make a healthy and nutritious breakfast that doesn’t actually need a lot of prepping with its ingredients basically lying in front of you on the kitchen counters while you scurry to brush your teeth, scrub your balls and put on your pants simultaneously.

What do you do? What do you do? You make yourself some oatmeal-in-a-mug!

What you’ll need:

• ½ cup oat flakes
• ½ of an apple, chopped (preferably red)
• ½ of a banana, mashed
• 1 tbsp ground flax/chia seed
• 1 whole egg
• ½ cup skimmed milk OR ½ cup Rayeb
• ¼ tsp ground cinnamon powder
• 2 tsp honey
• 1 medium sized microwave safe mug

What you’re going to have to do:

• Add the oats, milk, seeds and egg [for fuck’s sake not with the shell] to the mug
• Whisk all ingredients in the mug using a fork until they’ve all blended
• Add the banana mash, honey and ground cinnamon powder
• Whisk again until all ingredients are well blended
• Place in microwave on high power for 2-3 minutes
• Fluff it out using the fork
• Garnish with a handful of diced strawberries/blueberries/almonds
• Enjoy your on-the-go breakfast!

That ought to hit your system with a good dose of proteins, complex carbs, healthy fats, antioxidants, vitamins and fiber to really get your day kicking off to a good start; missing your appointment aside.

Hope you like it!

Handling the Morning After: The Real Walk of Shame

Raise your hand if you woke up the day after a grueling workout and you could have sworn you thought you were dying from the amount of pain being inflicted on you by your sore muscles. I will assume at least 99.99% of you raised your hand. Which is really weird, because you’re reading this off your computer or your phone, which I’m sure would look really odd to bystanders and onlookers. Put your hand down you are such an embarrassment.

So before we get to the “how” of dealing with post-workout muscle soreness, let’s tackle the “why” of why it happens in the first place. Weight lifting and exercising in general operates on the muscles by means of creating micro-tears (don’t freak out, that’s a good thing!) in the muscle fibers which eventually prompt the body to fix and repair and to make them bigger by increasing their size and adding more muscle fiber so the muscle is able to perform the same exercise next time without experiencing those tears; which is why we always raise the intensity of our workout!

Why is it then that we feel sore? Well those micro-tears prompt your nerves to send out signals which resemble those of pain throughout your body which in turn triggers your nervous system to start funneling and channeling nutrients specifically towards those muscle which now require massive repairs and overhaul in order to be as good as new. Depending on the person, this feeling of soreness can last anywhere between 12 hours and three days depending on how new you are to the whole exercising thing, if it was the first time for you to perform this particular workout or if it was particularly intense.

Now, it’s vital that you be able to distinguish the difference in feeling muscle soreness the day after your workout and the feeling of a torn muscle (not good!). If you tore a muscle, you’re likely to feel it right then and there in the gym or shortly after your workout. You will be in a LOT of pain. It won’t feel normal or something you could just brave through. If it’s a particularly bad muscle tear, your skin in the affected area will turn dark purple on account of the internal bleeding within a few hours. Head to an ER immediately.

There are various degrees of muscle tear which range from low damage that heals within the week to complete muscle rupture which requires surgery and months of recovery. The trick to avoiding this is knowing your limit, don’t push it with extra heavy weights on exercises that put too much stress on your muscles. Have a spotter help you out when lifting heavy weights to ensure you don’t end up crushing your face underneath a barbell. Always, always, always make sure you are performing each and every repetition in perfect form; that is not negotiable. Do not sacrifice form for more weights. Ever.

So now we’ve tackle the why, the how to of taking care of sore muscles is rather simple. First off, make sure you stretch at the end of your workout, taking your time to stretch out the muscles which were engaged during the day’s workout thoroughly. Second, take a cold shower right after your workout, this helps the muscle relax instead of using hot water.

Third, make sure you’re eating a butt load of protein in all your day’s meals, be they breakfast, snacks, lunch or dinner. This is the most essential nutrient your body needs for muscular fiber repair above all else. Consuming whey protein right after your workout and taking BCAAs before your workout or before bedtime can also drastically improve recovery time. Lastly, and this is sort of a given, rest. Nothing will help your muscles heal better than a good old fashion 7 to 8 hour slumber.

With time you’ll find that your body can adapt quite well to handling soreness, eventually the same exercises may cease to cause any soreness whatsoever unless you vary the intensity greatly or utilize new ones altogether.

Pro tip: A professional massage can go a long way in easing any muscle soreness as it triggers increased blood flow to affected muscle fibers; carrying more nutrients and oxygen and whisking away toxins.

Take care, stay safe and have a friend pick you up from the gym after leg day.

Fuck the System: Make Your Own Almond Milk

Let’s get one thing straight. This country is imperfect. It lacks a lot of things other people in other countries take for granted. But that’s okay, because we get to drive in real life the way we do in GTA V and generally get away with things that are considered capital crimes in other parts of this globe. One thing I will no longer stand for however, is our supermarkets’ and fridges’ lack of almond milk.

Almond milk - “milk” derived from almonds - is one of the healthiest beverages to consume. While 100 grams of pure raw almonds will deliver nearly 600 calories (easily one of the highest per 100 grams of any kind of nut) it will also provide an astounding 20 grams of protein. Needless to say you’re never supposed to consume 100 grams of almonds at once that’s like a fuck-ton of the stuff so please don’t make me write future posts with the assumption you’re an absolute fuck up.

I digress…

Almond milk is also fantastic for vegans (yeah, those guys) and people who are lactose intolerant and cannot consume dairy products but still want the protein and healthy fats. Almond milk does not cause any risks for those with cholesterol issues as well as housing a ton of vital minerals and vitamins which linked to building muscle, cellular repair, lowering bad cholesterol, improving your mood, treating arthritis and enhancing memories among other things.

A 230 ml cup (8 oz.) of almond milk will provide you with the following:

Almond milk nutrient breakdown:

• 30-40 calories
• 2.5-3 grams of fat [Omega-3]
• 1 gram of fiber
• 1 gram of protein
• A significant source of magnesium, selenium, manganese and vitamin E.

Well that’s all well and dandy but how the fuck do I make milk out of a nut? Are you nuts?! [pun totally intended]

I’m glad you asked, confused and easily scared reader. Let’s get down to business. The below recipe makes two cups of almond milk.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup raw unsalted almonds
• 2 cups water
• Sweeteners like honey, agave syrup, or maple syrup, to taste, optional

Process:

1. Soak’em up! You need to soak your almonds overnight in an uncovered bowl for or up to two days. The longer they stay soaked the creamier the milk will turn out. The almond will become plump and squishy to touch as they absorb water over the two days. Keep them covered with about an inch or so of water.
   

   
2. Drain’em up! Now it’s time to drain the almonds from the water they were left to soak in. You need to rinse the almonds thoroughly beneath cool running water. The almonds - as mentioned in step 1 - should feel squishy if you pinch by this point in time.
3. Blend that hoe! Place the cup of almonds that was left to soak after draining and rinsing in a blender and cover with two cups of cold water.
4. Twister! Twister! First off you need to use the pulse function on your blender (most blenders have that function built in) in order to break up the almonds at first. Then you need to keep it at a continuous blend at the highest speed for roughly two minutes. The almonds should be finely grated by this point and the liquid should be opaque and white. If you are using a food processor instead of a blender, you need to keep processing for roughly four minutes while pausing in the middle to scrape the sides throughout the process to get any almonds that have escaped the wrath of the blades.
5. Strain that hoe! Line up a strainer with cheesecloth (you can ask your mom where to get that from it’s used for baking primarily) and place it over a measuring cup. Pour your almond milk mixture onto the strainer directly.
6. Press your bitch out! Gather the cheesecloth around the almond meal clumps and twist and press as hard as you can to squeeze out as much almond milk as possible. The above recipe as mentioned should dish out the equivalent of two cups of almond milk.
7. Girl you so sweet! If almond milk the way it is isn’t sweet enough for your demanding behind, add the aforementioned sweeteners to taste (honey being the #1 choice)
8. You so cold! Cold like ice! Now that you’ve made almond milk, it’s time to refrigerate in a sealed container. Enjoy your beverage!

You’re probably thinking, “Holy shit! I can make this now! It’s super easy! Why don’t I make two or three liters at a time?!”

Unfortunately almond milk doesn’t last any longer than those two days. You can of course pop it on a stove and pasteurize it to prolong shelf life but that defeats the entire purpose of making your own. My recommendation is to make amounts you know you can go through within those two days so this recipe ought to be enough for you.

Pro Tip: Do not discard the almond meal that was left behind in the cheesecloth. You can store it and use it to sprinkle onto your oats or salads (they are still almonds you know!)

Try it out and let me know how your first almond milk making experience went.

Pancakes: The All-Time Naughty Breakfast Favorite (Or does it have to be?)

Pancakes. Who doesn’t love the ever living shit out of a goddamn pancake? If you’ve raised your hand to indicate being such a person, please exit my blog and never visit it again. Then proceed to hang yourself from the gonads, because we don’t need your filthy genes in the gene pool.

Now that we’ve got that settled, back to our main topic. Pancakes. We all love them. Sadly for any who wants to be fit, they’re not exactly known for their muscle building/fat burning qualities. They’re sugary, heavy and we often go the extra mile of covering them with syrup and butter, because why the fuck not? If I’m clogging my goddamn arteries, I might as well be a bona fide artist at it, right?

Lucky for you youngling, I’m about to introduce you to one pancake recipe you can actually enjoy tomorrow morning that won’t only NOT add onto your expanding waistline, it may as well help you lose fat and pack on some muscle while you’re at it too!

Ingredients:

• 6 egg whites
• 1 banana
• 50 ml skimmed milk or almond milk (or zero sugar soy milk if you like that foul-tasting crap - which you can find in Gourmet or major chain supermarkets) Note: Ideally, this recipe would utilize sugar free almond milk, but since we live in a country where your only option to drink almond milk is to make your own, we’ll switch out to local ingredients for convenience’s sake. But lo and behold I've taught you how to make you own if you think it's worth it to really get the recipe just perfect!
• ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 5 tablespoons flaked oats - my recommended brand is  Emco’s Flacons D’Avoine and you can find it in damn near any supermarket around the cereal section in Cairo. If you have access to Quinoa from abroad it'd be fantastic as well since it's gluten-free.
• 1 tablespoon of honey (I prefer Royal jelly honey - most brands are the same, Isis, Vitrac it doesn't really matter)

Process:

• Separate the yolk from the white of your eggs (you can discard the yolk or choose to use it for something else if you are baking for instance!)
• Mix all the above ingredients in a blender or food processor until the desired pancake mix consistency has been achieved.
• Add on a sauce pan on your stove on low heat (just like you would an omelette or normal pancake mix) until it cooks
• Keep dishing out those bad boys and stack’em up on your plate

Bonus Tip: You can dice up strawberries, bananas or kiwis to add atop your pancakes to add more vitamins, anti-oxidants and fibers. You can also add almonds, pistachios or cashews to taste. Seasoned kitchen veterans can also add a tablespoon of nut butter into the blender to ensure that nutty taste becomes part of every bite.

Additionally, you can make some high protein sauce for your pancakes using whey protein. All you need is to mix one scoop of whey protein (preferably Optimum Nutrition’s Gold Standard chocolate flavor - or any flavor you prefer, it’s your dish goddamit) with 50 ml of skimmed milk/almond milk (or the zero sugar soy milk) and heat in the microwave under high power for 20-30 seconds and voila! You now have some high protein (roughly 24-30 grams of protein) sauce syrup to garnish your high protein pancakes.

Personally, I think it’d be a crime if you don’t work your ass off in the gym or the track right after enjoying this beauty. Your body’s now loaded with complex carbs and a ton of protein; creating the optimal condition for you to dish out some exercises and sweat it up.

Let me know how it tastes and comment below with your own healthy twist or additions you can think of to make it even tastier (and healthier)