The Bouncing Yo-Yo That Is You: Weight Fluctuations

Well look at you. You've done it. You've conquered your lazy fuck of an alter-ego and managed to get that cellulite-infested tushy off the couch, away from the screen showing repeat episodes of Game of Thrones and committed yourself into adopting a healthier and more active lifestyle.

Except oh wait look at that those two kilos you thought you'd shanked off of you last week seemed to have come back. With a vengeance I might add. Now I'm not talking about a plateau here, I'm talking the scale is showing you going up in numbers despite your more than humble efforts in the gym and in the kitchen.

Overwhelmed by confusion, you try to re-visit your actions over the past week. Was it the extra banana you decided to gorge on thinking that fruits are kosher? Was it your mother secretly rubbing butter all over your steamed broccoli, which would also explain why you could suddenly swallow broccoli without feeling repulsed? Was it perhaps invisible calories floating in the air? Can breathing make you fatter? Should I stop breathing?

You, my friend, are merely a victim to ignorance. You see, a big part of the whole taking the reins in regards to fitness and overall wellness is research and more research. You need to learn a great deal about the human body and its intricate complex network of inner workings in order to truly prepare yourself for the inevitable fact that comes crashing against everyone just like that wave that destroyed the pathetic excuse of a sandcastle you built as a child during that one time your parents decided they could feign being happy together enough to drag the entire family on an uncomfortable road trip to some godforsaken overcrowded smelly beach for a week where you'd endure nothing but mosquito bites, mediocre food, odd family gatherings and sun burns. Ah, to be young again...

I digress.

Your problem is that you're awfully focused on a number. Not just a number that you hope to reach, but the concept of numbers itself. Scales are about as good an indicator of overall fitness as tigers are experts in the field of vegan cuisine. The story they tell you is contorted, if at all true. Scales do not account for the amount of muscles you have gained. They can't tell the difference between bone, fat and muscle. They can't tell you if those two kilos you've gain are split evenly among 300 grams of new muscle mass, a one-kilogram poop currently held up inside your rectum and 700 grams of water weight. A scale can give you a number that is as representative of who you are as that Gothic phase you adopted during high school speaks to who you are as a person. (Editor's note: This analogy only works so long as you had decided to drop the Gothic alter ego from your life by the time you got to college or later on, and if you hadn't, well...I'm sorry for all the anger?)

Weight fluctuations are a very natural part of the life-long fitness journey we're all meant to embark onto. People who maintain a solid figure year-round are those whose lives revolve around that very concept. Their livelihood depends on it, they're sponsored athletes who must be at certain numbers depending on whether or not they're in contest-season. You on the other hand are a college student or someone with a 9-to-5 to job. You don't compete in contests that demand you fulfill a certain number in order to represent under a specific weight class or category.

You're someone with a higher calling. You're someone who wants to be the best possible version of themselves despite of all the odds of modern life and her temptations stacking up against them. Professional athletes have impressive physiques, but I'd say a more impressive feat is maintaining that resolve and sticking it out without being a sponsored athlete whose sole occupation is to workout and eat right.

Me and my pops tearing it up in the gym

What I'm trying to say is this. Relax. It's not a quick stop till you hit a goal weight then unwind. This is a life long commitment. A commitment to always being active and treating your body the way it deserves. Think of it this way, you can have a Mercedes S-500, but if you pump that sweet motherfucker full of diesel, all you're going to end up with is a very expensive car-shaped paper weight. You give it the 95-grade fuel it deserves, and it'll take you places. Your body is the same way. Wholesome nutrition and proper exercise transform your body into an entity that will take care of you down the line just as you have taken care of it.

Weight fluctuations mean nothing if your eyes are really focused on the prize; to be better than you were yesterday.

Death to Your God: Stop Letting The Scale Control Your Life

Let’s get one thing clear here. 99.99% of you hold the weight scale as an indicator of progress/failure around your fitness routine. 99.99% of you are bonafide morons. Yes, we’re going tough love on the blog. It’s the only thing that’ll work at this point.

Fun fact: The human body is composed of bones, fat tissues, muscles, organs, liquids, probably some poop, more liquids and a few other ingredients thrown in for good measure.

Want to know what the only thing the scale shows you? All of it. A combined number of all of that. Want to know what the only thing you’re seeing when you look at the scale? Fat.

The human brain is ridiculous like that, it sees what it wants to see, and for some reason we’ve become hard wired to read those numbers as connoting only to fat. Our brain conveniently forgets we’re made of muscles and bone and only sees the number as indication of fat content. And my God we’re fat. So fat. I better put in three more hours on the treadmill yo! That shit won’t burn itself!

Yes, there are scales that can measure your body mass by content, it can tell you how much fat % you’ve got in relation to your muscle %, but you won’t find those in your average gyms and certainly not in your bathrooms so for the purpose of this article, those scales don’t exist.

And neither should yours.

Your perception of fitness progress/failure should not center around those three or two digits on the scale simply because it does not account for actual progress unless you’re an obese 140-kilogram man who’s got more fat in him than a slap stick of butter; in which case those numbers decreasing is good news for your heart and bad news for your heart doctor.

Your progress indicators should pertain to things you feel and see. Like what, you ask? Well, for starters…

• How long you can go on the treadmill before panting out of breath and succumbing to the sweet sweaty embrace of death
• How much heavier you can lift and how much you’ve progressed in that department since you started working out
• How your clothes feel looser and that your belt needs more tightening
• How your friends are family are commenting on how different you look
• How you see yourself in the mirror

The scale and its fancy digitized numbers can’t tell you any of that. All they can tell you is that you weight XX and you’re shit out of luck if you’d know how much % of that is fat or muscle.

This is a personal plea to stop letting gym and bathroom scales run your life and lead your progress. Did you step on the scale today and it said you’re one kilogram heavier even though you trained your balls off yesterday and were eating like an Olympian athlete? Have you considered the fact that you drink water which actually weighs something? Ever heard of water retention? Did you know your poop can weigh a substantial amount? Hell, your farts can actually weigh enough to tip off the scale by 300 grams sometimes!

Another negative aspect of focusing on the weight scale is in relation to those who take up weight lifting concurrently as part of a program to get fit (which includes fat loss) relates to muscle gain. Your weight scale - unless specialized - cannot tell you if those increasing numbers on the scale are muscle or fat, only you can tell that by seeing the difference on your physique.

My point is, you are more than a few digits on a screen. Your progress is not and cannot be limited by what you see on that contraption. Your progress is defined by you and no one else. You can run faster now, you’re stronger now, you need to buy smaller clothes, you look better, you feel better and you’re healthier; and your scale can’t tell you about any of it.