Recipe of the day: Baked Oatmeal In a Mug

We’ve all been there. Your alarm was being a pissy little bitch and it didn’t ring loud enough, didn’t ring hard enough or just flat out didn’t ring at all. You’re now late for whatever the shit it was you were waking up for. Alas, you don’t have time for the spruce goose of a breakfast you usually make before you head out but you’ll be damned to Satan’s butthole before you leave your home on an empty stomach (that’s just like a fitness 101 no no)

So now you have to figure out a way to make a healthy and nutritious breakfast that doesn’t actually need a lot of prepping with its ingredients basically lying in front of you on the kitchen counters while you scurry to brush your teeth, scrub your balls and put on your pants simultaneously.

What do you do? What do you do? You make yourself some oatmeal-in-a-mug!

What you’ll need:

• ½ cup oat flakes
• ½ of an apple, chopped (preferably red)
• ½ of a banana, mashed
• 1 tbsp ground flax/chia seed
• 1 whole egg
• ½ cup skimmed milk OR ½ cup Rayeb
• ¼ tsp ground cinnamon powder
• 2 tsp honey
• 1 medium sized microwave safe mug

What you’re going to have to do:

• Add the oats, milk, seeds and egg [for fuck’s sake not with the shell] to the mug
• Whisk all ingredients in the mug using a fork until they’ve all blended
• Add the banana mash, honey and ground cinnamon powder
• Whisk again until all ingredients are well blended
• Place in microwave on high power for 2-3 minutes
• Fluff it out using the fork
• Garnish with a handful of diced strawberries/blueberries/almonds
• Enjoy your on-the-go breakfast!

That ought to hit your system with a good dose of proteins, complex carbs, healthy fats, antioxidants, vitamins and fiber to really get your day kicking off to a good start; missing your appointment aside.

Hope you like it!

Fuck the System: Make Your Own Almond Milk

Let’s get one thing straight. This country is imperfect. It lacks a lot of things other people in other countries take for granted. But that’s okay, because we get to drive in real life the way we do in GTA V and generally get away with things that are considered capital crimes in other parts of this globe. One thing I will no longer stand for however, is our supermarkets’ and fridges’ lack of almond milk.

Almond milk - “milk” derived from almonds - is one of the healthiest beverages to consume. While 100 grams of pure raw almonds will deliver nearly 600 calories (easily one of the highest per 100 grams of any kind of nut) it will also provide an astounding 20 grams of protein. Needless to say you’re never supposed to consume 100 grams of almonds at once that’s like a fuck-ton of the stuff so please don’t make me write future posts with the assumption you’re an absolute fuck up.

I digress…

Almond milk is also fantastic for vegans (yeah, those guys) and people who are lactose intolerant and cannot consume dairy products but still want the protein and healthy fats. Almond milk does not cause any risks for those with cholesterol issues as well as housing a ton of vital minerals and vitamins which linked to building muscle, cellular repair, lowering bad cholesterol, improving your mood, treating arthritis and enhancing memories among other things.

A 230 ml cup (8 oz.) of almond milk will provide you with the following:

Almond milk nutrient breakdown:

• 30-40 calories
• 2.5-3 grams of fat [Omega-3]
• 1 gram of fiber
• 1 gram of protein
• A significant source of magnesium, selenium, manganese and vitamin E.

Well that’s all well and dandy but how the fuck do I make milk out of a nut? Are you nuts?! [pun totally intended]

I’m glad you asked, confused and easily scared reader. Let’s get down to business. The below recipe makes two cups of almond milk.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup raw unsalted almonds
• 2 cups water
• Sweeteners like honey, agave syrup, or maple syrup, to taste, optional

Process:

1. Soak’em up! You need to soak your almonds overnight in an uncovered bowl for or up to two days. The longer they stay soaked the creamier the milk will turn out. The almond will become plump and squishy to touch as they absorb water over the two days. Keep them covered with about an inch or so of water.
   

   
2. Drain’em up! Now it’s time to drain the almonds from the water they were left to soak in. You need to rinse the almonds thoroughly beneath cool running water. The almonds - as mentioned in step 1 - should feel squishy if you pinch by this point in time.
3. Blend that hoe! Place the cup of almonds that was left to soak after draining and rinsing in a blender and cover with two cups of cold water.
4. Twister! Twister! First off you need to use the pulse function on your blender (most blenders have that function built in) in order to break up the almonds at first. Then you need to keep it at a continuous blend at the highest speed for roughly two minutes. The almonds should be finely grated by this point and the liquid should be opaque and white. If you are using a food processor instead of a blender, you need to keep processing for roughly four minutes while pausing in the middle to scrape the sides throughout the process to get any almonds that have escaped the wrath of the blades.
5. Strain that hoe! Line up a strainer with cheesecloth (you can ask your mom where to get that from it’s used for baking primarily) and place it over a measuring cup. Pour your almond milk mixture onto the strainer directly.
6. Press your bitch out! Gather the cheesecloth around the almond meal clumps and twist and press as hard as you can to squeeze out as much almond milk as possible. The above recipe as mentioned should dish out the equivalent of two cups of almond milk.
7. Girl you so sweet! If almond milk the way it is isn’t sweet enough for your demanding behind, add the aforementioned sweeteners to taste (honey being the #1 choice)
8. You so cold! Cold like ice! Now that you’ve made almond milk, it’s time to refrigerate in a sealed container. Enjoy your beverage!

You’re probably thinking, “Holy shit! I can make this now! It’s super easy! Why don’t I make two or three liters at a time?!”

Unfortunately almond milk doesn’t last any longer than those two days. You can of course pop it on a stove and pasteurize it to prolong shelf life but that defeats the entire purpose of making your own. My recommendation is to make amounts you know you can go through within those two days so this recipe ought to be enough for you.

Pro Tip: Do not discard the almond meal that was left behind in the cheesecloth. You can store it and use it to sprinkle onto your oats or salads (they are still almonds you know!)

Try it out and let me know how your first almond milk making experience went.

The Worst Kept Secrets In the Fitness Industry (Part 4): Pre-workout Meals

There is no denying that you are what you eat. We’ve established that through countless retweets and status sharing during the late 2000’s. But what about purposeful nutrition? Sounds puzzling? Truly and honestly isn’t.

The whole point of this piece is to give you an understanding of how the human body operates in relation to food more than to simply bestow some sample recipes which you can try out if you’re feeling experimental.

It’s science time, bitch!

Let’s start with the basics. You are composed of muscles, fat, bone, internal organs, blood vessels and a few other gross components lodged in between. Check. Your muscles are the driving force behind your movement and are connected to your bones via tendons. Check. Your muscles store carbohydrates to be utilized as energy when required. Check. Your body stores fat to be utilized as an energy source when required. Check.

Now that we’ve established this little cycle of operation, let’s get down to explaining how different muscles use different fuels depending on different activities.

You have carbohydrates stored in your muscle as glycogen. Glycogen is broken down into Adenosine triphosphate (ATP) which is the energy currency used by the body’s muscles. Then you’ve got fats stored around your body which are made from lipids which are made from triglycerides. Those fats are stored as per required future need but they require breakdown before being utilized directly as energy which is not an instantaneous as when glycogen is used.

In the most basic terms, your muscles are not all the same, they are composed of different muscle fibers, namely types I, IIA and IIB. Each muscle fiber type has largely different functional characteristics. Individual muscles are composed of numerous individual fibers which are organized into motor units designated for specific functions and grouped within the muscles. “

“What’s a motor unit? Am I like an engine in a car? Ugh this is so confusing!” You blurt out naked in front of the mirror, your hands and mouth covered in dry Nutella.

Simply stated, motor units are just groups/bundles of muscle fibers. Any time you want to move anything, be it your finger, arm or eyelid, your brain instantly signals the appropriate muscle fibers and the relevant motor units within via the spinal cord and voila; the miracle of movement!

Type I

Commonly referred to as “slow twitch” muscle fibers. This fiber type is characterized by high endurance and low power/speed production capabilities. It’s most notably in action during long endurance events such as marathons or steady-speed jogs, etc.

Type IIA

Commonly referred to as “fast twitch” muscle fibers. This fiber type is a unique mixture of both Type I and Type IIB.

Type IIB

Commonly referred to as "fast twitch glycolytic". This fiber type is characterized by low endurance and high power/speed production. It’s most notably in action during short bursts of energy such as sprints, weight lifting, etc.

Fun Fact: Lifting a spoon recruits the same motor units as lifting a dumbbell does. The main difference is in the number of motor units recruited to achieve this action. Lifting a dumbbell naturally requires more force, which in turn recruits more motor units till the threshold that allows for the lift has been bypassed.

This brings us back to our original topic; pre-workout nutrition!

Those different muscle fiber types feed upon different types of fuel. Your Type IIB (fast twitch) muscles requires energy on-the-go due to the high intensity nature of the activity. Carbohydrates storages (glycogen) are usually the optimal choice as they are already there and are the fastest and easiest to break down to produce energy (ATP). These storages are quite limited and are usually depleted rather quickly. However, if your physical activity drags on for longer, your body is forced to start switching to fat, breaking them down and converting them for use as ATP molecules by the muscles.

“Holy fuck balls. We’ve been at this A-level bio course for like two pages now. What does this mean for my pre-workout meal?”

Complex carbs and proteins.

That’s what you want your pre-workout meal to have. You need a steady stream of proteins (preferably whey based) for quick breakdown and release of amino acids so your muscles aren’t forced to catabolize other muscles for repair. On the other end, carbs are a must, they are the main energy currency and the source of quick energy. But you want to avoid simple carbohydrates. These kinds of carbs (think processed flour, sugar, etc.) cause a spike in your insulin which would ultimately result in an energy spike followed by a crash; not good for your workout and overall mood.

Complex carbohydrates such as whole grain flour, cereal, oats, etc. are comparatively much better suited to provide your body with a steady stream of energy throughout the entire workout rather than just spiking it and leaving your sweaty corpse in the dust.

My optimal recommendation for a pre-workout meal?

• 2 whole soft-boiled eggs OR 3 scrambled egg whites
• One bowl of oatmeal flakes with ground cinnamon and diced banana
• Assortment of water-filled fruits (watermelon/cantaloupe/kiwi/apricots,etc.)

• 

This is usually my pre-workout meal of choice but you get the basic premise. Think peanut/almond butter on whole grain toast with banana. Think small tuna salad. Just focus on avoiding processed sugars and flours and ensuring there’s a protein source in there.

Hit me with any questions you’ve got by commenting below or by tweeting me on @Foxicakes

Oatmeal for Dummies

Easily one of the most misunderstood foods in any kitchen is perhaps none other than oatmeal. This grain is packed full of fibers, anti-oxidants, vitamins and complex carbohydrates which deliver a steady stream of energy to your body. That being said, 9 out 10 will vote it as inedible "diet" food that tastes bland and is something they are forced to wolf down with their eyes shut as though it was cough syrup (not the orange flavored kind)

To you I say, shut the fuck up and listen. Oatmeal - benefits aside - is a wonderful breakfast or mid-day snack item that - much like all other foods - depends on how you make it.

First of, the selection of your oatmeal can mean the difference between a bland squishy bowl of hamster food and a tasty breakfast delight. I personally prefer oatmeal flakes for their size, texture and taste over your average instant cooking Quaker oats. My brand of choice in Egypt and can be easily found in most supermarkets and stores in the cereal section is Emco's "Flacons D'Avoine". They're sold in 500 gram packets and can easily last you 10 days if you're consuming 50 grams every morning.

Now that we've picked out our oats, it's time to get cracking. I shall bestow upon you my favorite oatmeal recipe which I achieved through a wide variety of trial and error with a number of ingredients.

Ingredients:

• 50 grams of oatmeal flakes
• 100 ml of skimmed milk
• one teaspoon of ground cinnamon
• one whole banana
• two squares of dark chocolate (70% cocoa or higher)
• one teaspoon of flax/Chia seeds (if available)
• one teaspoon of peanut/almond/cashew butter

Process:

• Add 50 grams of oat flakes to a deep microwave-safe bowl
• Sprinkle the ground cinnamon evenly so it covers the flakes and blend using a spoon.
• Add the 100 ml of skimmed milk
• Place into microwave for 40 seconds under High power
• Break your dark chocolate squares into smaller pieces using a sharp knife and sprinkle evenly within the mixture
• Add the nut butter and seeds
• Slice the banana
• Enjoy

Obviously the above mentioned ingredients can be subject to change according to taste especially in regards to the fruit of choice, frozen grapes, strawberries, sliced kiwi (with skin), and apples are just a handful of possible combinations and additions one could use to spice up their breakfast meal. 

You can also forgo the nut butter by throwing in a dozen almonds, cashews, hazelnuts or a combination of mixed nuts into the oatmeal after it's been put through the microwave. Some even opt for a tablespoon of honey to really hit that sweet tooth but I find that the above ingredients do more than a fair job of just that. I have the above combo roughly three to four times a week as part of my pre-workout meal regiment and it's never failed to both satisfy my sweet tooth and give me enough energy to bust out one hell of a workout, I hope it will do the same to you!

Bonne appétit!